AITA for wanting my bf to cook after he invited more people than planned?’

A 23-year-old woman initially agreed to cook for a dinner with her boyfriend (25) and another couple they met on vacation. However, her boyfriend invited multiple other guests without consulting her—first their neighbors with three kids, and later two colleagues with their spouses and children.

This increased the guest count to 15. On top of that, he told her she needed to make a separate dish to cater to the kids’ preferences. Frustrated, she told him he should handle the cooking since he was free all afternoon, while she had to work until 4 PM.

The boyfriend insisted she should still cook, claiming it was unfair to back out last minute, even threatening to cancel the event if she refused.

‘ AITA for wanting my bf to cook after he invited more people than planned?’

AITA for wanting my bf to cook after he invited more people than planned? My (23F) boyfriend (25M) and I were supposed to host a dinner for us and another couple we met on vacation tomorrow. I’m supposed to be in charge of the cooking.

2 days ago, before going to work, my boyfriend tells me that he forgot to tell me that he invited our neighbors and their 3 children. I was kinda annoyed he didn’t asked me first but whatever, I said okay, next time,ask me if I’m okay with it first.

After coming home from work the same day, he tells me that he invited two of his colleagues and that they’ll come with their wives and kids. They have one kid each so that’ll make 2 more children.I got upset when he told me this because 1. He invited 6 more people without asking me first, again, and 2.

He told me that I needed to make a different dish for his colleagues’s kids because they won’t like what I’m planning to cook. I told my boyfriend that he needed to be the one cooking because I didn’t want to anymore. He asks me why as I initially agreed to cook. I said I initially agreed to cook for 4 people not 15.

I added that it’ll be easier for him to cook for 15 people anyways because he has his whole afternoon free while I’d be working until 4pm. My boyfriend doesn’t agree tho and thinks it’s unfair of me to have agreed to cook just to take it back last minute.

I said I’d be okay to help with the kids’ food once I come back from work but he needed to do the rest. He doesn’t want to and even threatened to cancel the whole thing if I wasn’t cooking. Am I the AH there? Should I be the one cooking still as I was supposed to cook from the beginning? Or is it only fair that he cooks for the additional 11 people he invited?

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

[Reddit User] −  He doesn’t want to and even threatened to cancel the whole thing if I wasn’t cooking.. Sounds like a plan to me.. NTA.

TZH85 −  „Threatening“ to cancel? Girl, at this point he should either cancel, cook himself order food for everyone. He invited more people AFTER you told him not to do that anymore without checking in with you first. That was deliberate.

He wanted to show you who’s in control and now he’s trying to make you think you’re the one being difficult. If I were you, I wouldn’t come home after work. I’d go out to eat somewhere by myself or with friends and spend a nice evening while I reevaluate my relationship. Clearly NTA.

JeepersCreepers74 −  NTA. He’s not considering the work involved cooking for all these extra people, so let him learn.

Novafancypants −  NTA. Also I’d be super annoyed if a couple invited us to dinner then all of a sudden it was a huge group including kids. That just changed the vibe.

FuzzyMom2005 −  NTA . Tell him “oh, well. I guess it’s canceled then.” Do not cook. Don’t do the kids’ meals. Heck, don’t even stop working at 4! He’s either going to cancel (and blame you) or try and wait you out. People will show up, nothing will be ready and he’ll try to guilt you into cooking.”come on, the kids are hungry!”. Guaranteed.

PracticalPrimrose −  NTA. On top of that it’s disrespectful to the original couple invited. An adults only double date at someone’s home is a lot different than jumping into a full-fledged party with 15 people you don’t know and multiple children running around.

mangoN-lime −  NTA. “I’ll be cooking for the 4 ppl I agreed to cook for. How you manage your other guests is your problem, but let me know if you’re cancelling. I’d hate to waste ingredients, but I guess I can always freeze the leftovers.” Let him break up with you if that’s where he takes this.

This is a gift from the Universe. A test of responsibility and consequences for your presently failing boyfriend. You don’t want to spend your life cleaning up someone else’s messes. Your finite hours of life can not be spent doing such nonsense. Make your own messes and clean them up yourself, too. There’s only enough life for that.

surly_grrrly −  He threatened to cancel? Sounds good. Call his bluff. He sucks. It’s clearly a big deal to cook for 11 people or else he’d be okay doing it. He can also choose to order food and serve it buffet style. NTA and you know it.

Comfortable-Sea-2454 −  NTA – the person who adds 11 people to the count without letting their partner/the cook know ahead of time needs to do all the cooking. The BF is a total A-H!!!

cis4cookie79 −  NTA. You have a communication issue with your BF. He wants to look good fot hosting but doesn’t want to have to do the work associated with cooking 2 different meals for a group of 15. And NO children where origanally invited.. Question:

Does he do things like this often? Where he gets to look cool without doing the associated work? Do you have to remember birthdays or anniverseries for his family?
My ex used to do both these and I had to take on the mental load as well as the housework while being the breadwinner.

It started with this same exact situation… Then we graduated to 30 min notice to having to host thier family… Then to **doorbell** “Oh yeah, so-in so and thier family are here for dinner.

It is important you both sit down and disscuss this situation and make the rule that whoever adds people gets to take over preperations. I waited too long ang was in a 11 year terrible marraige.

Was it reasonable for the girlfriend to withdraw from cooking due to the unexpected workload, or should she have followed through on her initial commitment? Is the boyfriend being unreasonable by expecting her to handle the entire dinner without consultation? Share your thoughts in the comments!