AITA for not letting my son’s boyfriend come on vacation with us unless he pays his own way even though I’m paying for everyone else?’
A father rented a $22,000 houseboat for his wife’s 50th birthday and their 30th anniversary, covering travel and expenses for all the kids and their partners. His youngest son, who often switches partners, recently asked if his new boyfriend could join the trip—and expects Dad to pay for his flight.
The father refused, explaining he didn’t buy a ticket for the son’s previous girlfriend, given they had only been together for a month. His son accused him of being homophobic, despite the fact that his sister and her wife are attending.
The dad feels conflicted but is considering paying to avoid family drama, though he thinks it’s unreasonable to pay for someone who might not be around long-term.
‘ AITA for not letting my son’s boyfriend come on vacation with us unless he pays his own way even though I’m paying for everyone else?’
For a summer vacation this year I went all out. I rented a houseboat for five days. It cost about $22,000. We are celebrating my wife’s 50th birthday and our 30th anniversary.
It is a huge houseboat and we have been planning this for a while. All the kids are coming and bringing their SOs and family.
I am flying my son and his wife over from the Philippines for this. My youngest son attends university on the East coast and he has a new person in his life every few weeks. He is staying out there for the summer but I am also flying him in for the party. He wants me to pay for his new boyfriend to come.
This is news to me because when he lost spoke to me in July he had a girlfriend. He changes partners more often than he does laundry. I said his boyfriend was more than welcome to join us but that he would have to pay for his own flight.
The girl he was dating wasn’t going to come because she felt awkward being at a family party after only dating for a month so I wasn’t going to buy her a ticket. My son says that I’m bring h**ophobic and Zn a**hole for not bringing his boyfriend out. I pointed out that his sister and her wife of two years would be there.
He hung up and called his mom. She thinks I should just pay. I probably will to keep the peace but I think it I stupid to pay for a vacation for a kid I will never see again. And he is going to be in family pictures forever.
Check out how the community responded:
SigSauerPower320 − NTA. This has nothing to do with him being with a guy. It’s about him only being with this person for a month. Who in their right mind would expect a person to pay for a vacation for a complete stranger?!
Boo155 − NTA. Your son just has a series of f**k buddies and this guy is the latest one. The fact that your son jumped right to the over-played and inaccurate “homophobia” claim proves that he’s just an e**itled j**k. Don’t pay for the guy’s ticket.
-Onion_Kid- − NTA. It sounds like you’ve never met. It’s super rude for him to expect you to pay without even an introduction.
loverlyone − Personally, I wouldn’t want to be trapped on a boat with someone none of the rest of the family knows very well, whether they pay or not. One month is not long enough to take a family vacation together. I think your son’s expectations are unrealistic and unreasonable.
He might also consider that If absence makes the heart grow fonder, presence in a small stateroom on the family vacay may just be the heart k**ler.. NTA
kris_Ml33 − Nta. He didn’t even properly introduce you to his new bf or give you and the family a chance to get to know him yet. I wouldn’t pay for the flavor of the month either…. It’s not h**ophobic.
Thevoiceofreason823 − NTA. You know everyone else you are paying for. You don’t know the boyfriend and are not a piggy bank for someone else’s vacation. It’s not h**ophobic to refuse to pay for someone’s vacation.
ekco_cypher − 1st, The bf wanting to go on a family vacation on a boat with a large family he has never met is just weird and would be awkward, especially for something as intimate as a anniversary.
2nd, just the idea that you should be expected to pay for a complete stranger, that you never met, and didn’t even know existed until the vacation was brought up? Man, rich people have a whole new set of problems than regular people.
[Reddit User] − Nta this person is a complete stranger itd be weird for them to come
RebeccaCheeseburger − NTA. He’s getting free accommodation and getting fed. Just needs to pay for a flight? Who wouldn’t snap that up?
Kokichi_101 − NTA. First, it’s your money, you choose what to do with it. Second, if you didn’t know about the boyfriend, then why should the boyfriend now be your problem? And you’re not h**ophobic for not wanting to pay for someone you didn’t know about until then. Your son’s the AH for calling you h**ophobic for something not h**ophobic, it’s petty.
You made a mistake telling your son his bf was welcome to come but you wouldn’t pay for the flight. You made it about money at that point. Is it about the money or about not wanting to have such a new person spending such intimate time with the family on vacation? The latter is much more understandable. At this point tell your son no significant other is invited and he gets to come spend time with the family.
No way should a new friend be on a family vacation. end of story.
NTA. We had a similar problem with a nephew. Each year we would host my husband’s family at a lake side cottage. My mother had a rule that the non-family members had to be engaged before being in family pictures which we stuck to so at least we had pictures without the girlfriend of the week (of course now a long term SO would qualify). Eventually we had to implement a rule that they had to be dating at least 6 months before even being able to come.
I would uninvited the son for being rude and a complete a@#.
He will ruin the special trip.
He feels entitled and doesn’t deserve to be there.
I would never expect my parents to do that. If it was his husband or wife or long term partner…. different circumstances.
Did anyone consider that this boyfriend has ALWAYS been in the picture? Dad may be “okay” with lesbian daughter and her wife *they are girls* but his SON-with a guy- maybe long term 🤔
If everyone else is coupled up, then your son should be able to bring a guest. People bring dates to events all the time that may be a new relationship that lasts a lifetime. Or not. But I think assuming it won’t last seems unfair. Either you pay for all of your kids guests or you only pay for your kids. I would be upset and feel like you were acting out of not liking your son’s choice of partners. A lot of men have issues with gay men relationships but not with lesbian women in relationships. Not saying that’s you, but it can appear that way. Plus he’s young, he should date a variety of people. The point is, can he bring someone as his siblings have or are you singling out your son? Your incredible generosity stopped at him. I’d be annoyed with you.