AITA for peeing in my friend’s shower?

A 22-year-old trans man (FtM) spent spring break at his friend Natalie’s (23F) place. During his stay, he peed in her shower, assuming it was normal since his family also does it. Later, during a group conversation about bathroom habits, he confirmed to Natalie that he had indeed peed in her shower.

She seemed uncomfortable, and afterward, a mutual friend let him know Natalie was upset and might not want him staying over again. Although he apologized, Natalie hasn’t responded, leaving him questioning whether he overstepped a boundary.

‘ AITA for peeing in my friend’s shower?’

I (22FtM) was staying at a friend’s place a few months ago over my spring break. Let’s call her Natalie (23F). Natalie and I have been friends for a while, but we haven’t been able to hang out as much since she graduated last year and has been working.

This was my first time seeing her new place, and our first time spending the night together (before anyone gets the wrong idea, there are absolutely no romantic or sexual feelings between us). Now, as a guy without a penis I am unable to enjoy the wonders of pissing standing up most of the time. STPs scare me and so I simply sit.

However, when I shower I can pee however I’d like and it just goes down the drain and washes off my leg if I aim badly! I shower every night before bed and I basically always pee, it’s just really satisfying for me. I don’t really talk to my friends about my peeing habits, but my whole family pees in the shower as well and I just assumed it was normal.

Last week, me and Natalie were hanging out with some of our friends. Somehow, we started talking about peeing, and so of course peeing in the shower came up. Many of my penisless friends agreed with me that it’s so nice to be able to stand for once, and many of my penis-having friends even agreed as well.

However, not everyone felt that way, and there was a bit of an awkward silence afterwards. Natalie approached me later and nervously asked me if I had peed in her shower, and I said yes. She got really quiet and the whole thing got really awkward. She kinda shuffled away and we sort of avoided each other the rest of the evening.

Later, one of our mutual friends texted me to tell me Natalie was really uncomfortable to learn that I peed in her shower, and she was reconsidering whether she would ever let me stay with her again. I texted her about it directly and apologized, but she hasn’t replied yet.. So AITA for peeing in her shower?

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

The_Motley_Fool—- −  NTA. if you pooped in the shower and waffle stomped it down the drain, then you’d be the a\*\*hole

ilp456 −  YTA. What you do in your home is not what you necessarily do in another person’s home. This was disrespectful.

peternal_pansel −  Even though the other person has no way of knowing, it’s not exactly *polite* to p**s in other people’s showers. I pee in my own for the same fun reasons as you OP (and clean it daily) but not in someone else’s if I’m spending the night. They don’t expect me to pee in there- it’s not customary to do so- so I don’t.

If you choose to continue to pee in her shower after this, she won’t know; it’s an honor system. But you’re better off (1) apologizing again (2) promising not to do it again (3) offering to clean the shower out more often if you aren’t already cleaning it after each use.

trama_from_my_mama −  There are two types of people in the world: People that pee in the shower, and liars.

Puzzleheaded_Debt727 −  NTA. Does not make the shower more gross peeing in it. With the constant water flow and soap you are useing on yourself that rinses down. It washes the pee that is mostly water anyway away. Also better for the enviroment to pee in the shower. Uses less water than a toilet and not useing toilet paper.

Toilet paper is not great for the earth either. Why lots of places outside of north america use a bidet. For people it’s a personal preferance. The disgusting argument from some people here has no scientific evidence of germ build up or bacteria from peeing in the shower. So no relevance in this argument for people saying that.

If it’s a personal preferance on your friends part. you can apologies and move on. But dont feel bad. Peeing in the shower is actually perfectly hygienic. I am pretty sure people have washed worst things off themselves after a hard day of manual labour. Do construction workers clean their shower everytime after they use it?

All the drywall dust, dirt and other material that goes down the shower pipess has be worse than a little bit of pee. Just sourcing some of my argument 🙂

SeatSix −  YTA. Your shower, do what you want. Someone else’s home, use the damn toilet. You would not be staying at my home again after I learned that.

[Reddit User] −  First rule of shower p**s club….don’t talk about shower p**s club

meowmix79 −  What happens if my period blood globs fall out in someone’s shower? Pretty gross but can’t be helped. It’s happened. I kept that info to myself.

Sufficient_Pain_5724 −  NTA . Who gets out of the shower to take a whiz? As long as it was washed down the drain, no harm no foul. If there’s a plausible chance that it wasn’t washed down, you might be TA,

Forward_Ad_7988 −  oh wow, by reading the comments
1. I had no idea that so many people pee in the shower
2. I’m never letting anyone use my shower ever again. YTA and it’s gross by the way

Is peeing in the shower a harmless habit that shouldn’t have caused this level of discomfort, or does Natalie have a right to feel uneasy about it in her own home? Is it a matter of different boundaries clashing, or was it a breach of trust? What do you think? Share your thoughts in the comments.