AITA for telling my sister I was the “golden kid” since she couldn’t do anything right

A woman confronted her estranged sister after years of strained family dynamics. Growing up, the sister caused constant turmoil, running away, getting into trouble, and even damaging their mother’s wedding dress. At 18, the sister left home, but now, at 26, she has returned, attempting to rebuild her life.

Despite this, their parents are not ready to welcome her back, excluding her from family events like Thanksgiving. After a rant from the sister accusing her of being the “golden child,” the woman lost her patience and told her the reason she was favored was because the sister “couldn’t do anything right.”

Her harsh words left her sister in tears, and now the sister’s boyfriend is furious, calling her unfair.

‘ AITA for telling my sister I was the “golden kid” since she couldn’t do anything right’

My sister is a flaming hot mess, she made my life miserable growing up. She got in with the wrong crowd, ran away multiple times. The house was never peaceful. We are close in age, I was a pretty good kid. When I was allowed to hang out at the mall in 8th grade my sister couldn’t since my parents didn’t trust her.

When she was 17 they gave up on her and I don’t blame them. She ruined my moms wedding dress. At 18 she was gone, they didn’t kick her out she just disappeared. She is back and is now 26, she got her life together and my parent put strict boundaries with her.

I’ve been meeting up with her more often and she went on a huge rant about not being invited to thanksgiving since my parent said they aren’t at the point to let her back in their home.After at least 10 minutes she went on about how I am the golden child and at this point I had enough.

I told her I was the golden child since she couldn’t do anything right and she is lucky anyone talks to her. She has never apologized and she left in tears. Her bf called me pissed and think I am an unfair a**shole.

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

[deleted] ( Top 1 ) says

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sc0tth ( Top 2 ) says

NTA. You can tell when people are sincere and have really changed when they accept the limits people they have wronged put on them. She hasn’t changed and is just as destructive and e**titled as she ever was.

SatisfactoryLoaf ( Top 3 ) says

NTA. In general, I recommend focusing on people’s actions rather than their nature, so something like “I’m only the “golden child” because you keep choosing to hurt the family.”

People aren’t necessarily in control of their nature, but they are in control \[hypothetically\] of their actions, and if there’s any chance of things “clicking” for them one day, then best to press on those buttons.

But it sounds like she’s not inclined to really self-reflect, or consider how her actions affect other people, and setting a harsh boundary might just, at the very least, help her see that you and your folks won’t be available for her to grift and abuse. Hope she gets her stuff together.

TheGabyDali ( Top 4 ) says

NTA And let me just say: unpopular opinion, but I think a lot of these golden child stories on reddit are closer to this story than people think. It sounds like your parents have upended theirs and your lives in order to try and help your sister but she just had a drive in her to rebel.

Unfortunately, rebelling isn’t always the cute version you see in movies where they’re doing it for a just cause. Sometimes, it’s just because they like pushing buttons and boundaries. Until she is able to look back at her actions objectively and truly accept her responsibility in creating this rift, there will always be resentment and distance between you.

BlackFoxOdd ( Top 5 ) says

There’s something fishy going on. Kids don’t act that way for the hell of it, there’s always an underlying cause. She got her act together after leaving the family speaks mountains. Also, nobody has the same parents, parents treat each child differently depending on what stage the parents are in in their life.

It wouldn’t surprise me if she was acting out due to how they treated OP. Something is wrong & the parents are to blame.

MeanestGoose ( Top 6 ) says

This smacks of missing reasons. Kids don’t act the way you’ve described your sister for absolutely no reason at all. You are not required to accept her back into your life.

You are e**titled to be upfront with her and say “I was hurt and negatively affected by your behavior, and I need a sincere apology before I can really consider rebuilding our relationship.” You’re e**titled to say “Hey, Mom and Dad need time to regain trust in you.”

It sounds like being “better” than her is important to you. That may or may not be true, but it sounds that way. If you need her to stay as the “black sheep” I suggest returning to NC. Sounds like without you and your parents, she is able to live a productive and good life. ESH

[deleted] ( Top 7 ) says

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wannabewallee ( Top 8 ) says

NTA. People do change, but you also have the right to disbelieve it. That remark was harsh, but she was also the first to start taking her anger out on you. If you’re willing, perhaps group therapy?

skyrimfactchecker ( Top 9 ) says

YTA. What you are specifically asking judgment on is your comment to her, and not on your overall history together. And yeah, it’s absolutely a s**itty thing to do when you tell someone that they “can’t do anything right” and that they’re “lucky anyone will even talk to them.

” The Good Place says it best, “People improve when they get external love and support. How can we hold it against them when they don’t?” Your sister sounds like she didn’t get support, or at least not the support that she actually needed, when she was growing up.

I don’t know your parents or her situation, but clearly something was going on that was overlooked. Now that’s she’s older, you mention that she seems to be in a better place;

I wouldn’t be surprised if she’s currently looking for that family love and support that she feels she didn’t get as a child, and from her perspective, she is still being denied that by your parents. (The situation with your parents is a whole other story that I am not getting into.)

Your situation is not any better. It does s**ck that you went through all of that growing up, and your feelings about it now are absolutely valid. But that does not give you free reign to strike back. In the same way that her past does not excuse her present actions, neither too does yours.

I really and truly believe that you, personally, need to go to therapy. It is clear in how you spoke about your sister in your post that it is causing you pain for her to be back in your life.

There is a lot of unprocessed anger and resentment towards her, and unprocessed grief in what you lost and what you didn’t get to have as a child due to your experiences with your sister. You need space to talk to someone about those experiences and find healing, not for her benefit but for your own.

AdministrativeWish42 ( Top 10 ) says

Oh, hmmm…I don’t know all the dynamics involved with the family… but possibly…YTA. Are you familiar with what she is referring to when she uses the terminology “golden child”? It is referring to a certain term coined about a common family dynamic that occurs when there are narcissistic personality traits/disorders in the parents.

In these type of situations parents tend to actively create a good child, bad child dynamic. They create double standards and typically don’t take any sort of accountability for their parenting and how they are creating certain dynamics. There is the golden child and then the s**apegoat.

Often the s**apegoat seeks emotional support elsewhere because this dynamic is unhealthy for them, sometimes the behavior issues of the scapegoats are a response to a covert toxicicity in their home life. First of all…is she a “flaming hot mess” or did she “get her life together”….Which one is it because you are saying both.

Listen, I’m reading in between the lines and despite your sisters past behavior, your behavior just reads as unempathetic and cruel. You may be justified in your feelings of resentment but your response to them is reflection of yourself.

Your behavior suggests you were taught to have no reguard for your sisters feelings or accountability in how your personal response affects the current situation. Your attitude is very dismissive and peppered with justification for being so.

Being banned from thanksgiving is an extremely painful experience for anyone and If it is the families value and intention to heal and connect and be there for someone who got their life together, you all would care about her feelings on the matter and find a way to make the effort to connect in a way that still has boundaries that are needed.

Or at the very least acknowledge her pain and encourage patience with the time it takes to rebuild trust…instead of just framing her as “ranting”.