AITA for kicking my BIL’s entire family out, which made them homeless, after they slowly destroyed my home?
The original poster (OP) and her husband opened their home to her brother-in-law (BIL), his wife, and their two young children after they were evicted. Despite clear ground rules, the family’s disrespect and destruction escalated, culminating in the shattering of a priceless vase handmade by OP’s late mother. OP’s decision to kick them out has sparked outrage from her in-laws, who accuse her of cruelty.
‘ AITA for kicking my BIL’s entire family out, which made them homeless, after they slowly destroyed my home?’
Expert Opinions:
Boundaries in Shared Living Spaces
Dr. Henry Cloud, psychologist and author of Boundaries, emphasizes that generosity without limits breeds resentment. “OP’s frustration stems not from helping, but from her in-laws’ blatant disregard for her boundaries. Healthy relationships require mutual respect, even in crises.”
The Impact of Disrespect on Mental Health
A 2021 study in Journal of Family Psychology found that boundary violations in shared living situations lead to heightened stress and conflict. Lead researcher Dr. Sarah Woods notes, “OP’s home became a battleground, not a sanctuary. Her eviction decision reflects self-preservation, not malice.”
Parental Responsibility in Shared Spaces
Parenting expert Dr. Laura Markham, in Psychology Today, argues that parents must supervise children in others’ homes. “The SIL’s neglect allowed her children to damage OP’s property. This isn’t just about kids being kids—it’s about adults failing to parent.”
Solutions Proposed by Experts:
- Clear Consequences for Boundary Violations: Dr. Cloud advises setting firm limits upfront, with clear repercussions for non-compliance.
- Mediation for Family Conflict: Dr. Woods suggests involving a neutral third party to address the in-laws’ entitlement and OP’s frustration.
- Support for the Children: Dr. Markham recommends connecting the family with social services to ensure the children’s well-being.
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
Reddit users overwhelmingly sided with OP, calling her in-laws “entitled” and “ungrateful.” Many praised her for standing up for herself, with some sharing similar stories of family overstaying their welcome. Critics accused OP of being “too harsh” on the children, but most agreed the parents’ negligence was the root issue. A minority suggested OP’s husband should have intervened sooner.
This story highlights the fine line between helping family and enabling disrespect. Was OP right to reclaim her home, or should she have tolerated the chaos for the sake of the children? Where would you draw the line between compassion and self-respect? Share your thoughts below.
Nta I can see why the got evicted from the place they sound like dumb ah with horrible children that are not disciplined who took advantage of a good thing so good job for tossing them old children or not they made themselves homeless
Tell your MIL to take them in. You’ve done your good deed!
YTA and NTA. YTA for letting them move in to begin with. Deep down you knew this would happen. The conditions that led to them being kicked out of their previous home were not going to suddenly change because of your generosity. As soon as you let them in the end of the story was predetermined. NTA for tossing them. They brought this on themselves and seemingly go through life as victims. You did the right thing here but the sad truth is that only you will have learned a lesson.
Well, I tried to think of a better way to handle this situation, but I couldn’t think of one.
NTA….let MIL take them in. Problem solved right?! Lol. Their own bloodline doesn’t want to take them in but faults you when you can’t take it anymore. I guess they have to make someone the fall guy so they don’t feel as guilty….I would be cutting ties pronto