AITA for “lying” to my fiance about how my first divorce really went down?

A 34-year-old woman is grappling with her fiancé’s reaction after he discovers details about her first marriage and divorce, which she had downplayed. She was married to her ex-husband from ages 21 to 26, during which she felt trapped in a dead-end life.

After an emotional struggle, she left without informing him and later settled the divorce amicably. When her fiancé learns the true nature of the split, including accusations of abandonment, he questions her honesty and puts their wedding on hold, leaving her feeling heartbroken and betrayed.

AITA for “lying” to my fiance about how my first divorce really went down?

I (34F) have been with my fiance (40M) for 6 years now. He proposed a year ago and we were looking at a small October wedding.

Before I was with my fiance, from 21 to 26 I was married to my ex husband (34M.) Those were some of the happiest and worst years of my life. My ex was the most attractive guy I had ever met, and even now he looks like a 24 year old instead of an almost 35 year old.

However, we were stuck in dead end jobs because we were both high school dropouts living in Alabama. We were creatives who wanted to save money to move to New York or LA, but never had any money. We both worked in service positions but I felt that most of the people who walked in the doors were just idiots.

I grew to hate serving them and this reflected in the tips and performance reviews I got.Meanwhile my ex would get mad at me not showing up to work and saying the people I served deserved basic respect from me.

I ended up quitting my job and my ex made me take the job at the hotel where he worked. And I got more depressed because I felt life was passing me by and my ex expected us to accept our life was just going to be about work. We got into more fights about how he had to convince the manager to not fire me.

Finally I got so depressed that I started talking to a friend of mine who was a nightclub dancer in Atlanta. I took a train there and tried out. I was ashamed to tell my husband that I was doing this behind his back and didn’t want to face his anger over me quitting the job he got me.

So one day I just packed up and left. My ex filed for divorce and listed a*andonment as the cause. We only had $2,000 in assets. To settle the divorce, my ex mailed me a check for $900, assumed our credit card debts and that was that.

He has never contacted me again, so I assumed he was not hurt. I eventually became a hospital receptionist and met my now fiance, who is a radiologist. I told him about being divorced once but said that we grew apart, and then sat down and amicably worked out a divorce.

My fiance replied it was a mature decision that spoke well to my character. I thought that the omission of detail was far from evil- I was not unfaithful or a*usive. However, in the midst of announcing our engagement a friend of my ex resurfaced and he was able to contact my fiance without my knowledge.

From there, my fiance, dug up information about my divorce including the fact I was accused of a*andonment by my ex. He even talked to former friends of mine. He finally confronted me and said that I lied about how I ended things with my ex and called me cold.

He said that this gave him cold feet about who he was marrying and that he wanted to postpone the wedding indefinitely. I am heartbroken. He’s now staying somewhere else and says he needs time to think. We had an argument where I was angry he invaded my privacy about something that happened a decade ago.

I have been supportive of his career and stuck around for 6 years waiting for him to be ready to commit. AITA? I hate the fact that Alabama divorces are public record and he’s using that to defend his actions.

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

dedgi15 says:
Wow, this is eerie….I had a similar experience like yours, VERY similar. My half brother passed away in 2011, driving my car into town by himself. A year later my grandma passed away from an untreatable perforated intestine infection (she also had Alzheimer’s, runs in the women in my family), two days before my birthday. When my brother passed, I called my “SO” and he thought I was joking at first, even though I was hysterical over the phone. He then automatically went to blaming me for his d*ath by allowing him to take my car. I LOST it, there were just no words for how I felt at that moment.

Character_Bee2199 says:

• dropped out of high school
• married a 10/10 guy
• couldn’t hold a job
• your husband continues to work, supporting you and trying to give you gainful opportunities
• decide to run away and strip in Atlanta

“What did I do wrong???!?”

DarthShaveHer says:
Not to mention she remembers the exact amount in assets her and her ex had, and how much he mailed her to settle the divorce, but conveniently leaves out the debt amount that the ex had to assume alone

Unknown User says:
I’m curious as to how much debt OP left their ex with. For people to come out of the woodwork over a decade later makes me think it wasn’t insignificant. If I was the ex, I would have moved on and told anyone around me they should have too. I can’t imagine as a third party inserting myself into someone’s life I have no contact with at this point.

junkman21 says:
But he “invaded her privacy” when someone tipped him off that she was a lying l*ar who lies then uncovered her lies. What kind of MONSTER is interested in the truth? Obviously there’s blame to go around here. /s

DysfunctionalCass says:
One day they will think of it I know I often do think of what my grandma told me now that I’m 31 when I was a kid I thought I was smarter than the adults but my uncle use to tell me child every thing you do I’ve done and I know the tricks

Dapper-Wolverine-499 says:
The part that got me is the:

I have been supportive of his career and stuck around for 6 years waiting for him to commit.

She is still pretty much the same immature person she was in her first marriage. She is only with her fiance for financial comfort.

earth2skyward says:
Cheeks was so confused! She kept looking around for Jupiter (they were good buddies). I had to re-home her (I couldn’t pay the rent on my salary alone and eventually had to move in with my parents & couldn’t take Cheeks with me), but a friend stepped up and took her in. Crazy thing, a couple years later she took Jupiter in too (she knew both me and the ex, and when he moved to Florida he gave her Jupes)! It was awesome to see them together again, and she took such good care of the kitties.

Good luck with your situation, I absolutely understand how you feel. It’s just not fair.