AITAH for putting my profoundly autistic daughter on birth control?

A 45-year-old mother faces backlash for putting her 19-year-old daughter, Layla, who has profound autism and a developmental age of 3-4 years, on birth control to manage painful menstrual cycles.

After explaining the situation to her sister-in-law, Ashley, who vehemently opposes the decision, the mother becomes overwhelmed by criticism from family members, leading her to question whether she made the right choice for her daughter’s well-being.

AITAH for putting my profoundly autistic daughter on birth control?

I (45 F) have a daughter (19 F) Layla who is profoundly autistic. She was diagnosed as a young child and due to the efforts of her speech and OT (and her own hard work) she has been able to gain a lot of independent daily living skills over the years.

As she started hitting the teenage years though we started facing an extreme struggle with her period. Due to her diagnosis she is estimated to have the developmental age of a 3 or 4 year old child. This makes her month cycle extremely painful and confusing for her.

She does not know or understand why she is bleeding or in pain. She suffers from bad cramping, which is difficult to treat as she has a hard time communicating when she is pain. Aside from the pain, the hygienic side of her cycle is very difficult for both her and me.

Due to the painful nature of her cycle, keeping things consistently clean is extremely hard as there is a negative association there and she does everything she can to avoid dealing with her period.
After trying different OT therapists and plans, both me and her father, her OT therapist and her pediatrician have decided the best thing for her is to be put on birth control so her cycles can be managed. We safely have her skip the majority of her cycles during the year, and it has been a blessing for us.

It has been 4 months, and not only has she been able to avoid the pain she goes through every month, but her general mood and demeanor has improved as well. Her therapist believes her irregular cycle was causing her a lot of anxiety.

The issue comes with my SIL Ashley. She was over at the house yesterday having lunch with us when she asked how Layla had been doing recently. I told her that she was doing very well and explained to her the changes we made in the last few months. Ashley was horrified.

She started ranting about how I am taking away my daughters autonomy by putting her on birth control without her consent and that the long term affects could hurt her fertility. Layla will never have children, and will never have an intimate relationship with others due to her developmental age.

I tried explaining this to SIL but she held firm, I honestly don’t know if she has a very good grasp on autism or developmental disorders at this point. I ended up asking her to leave as she was getting louder and I didn’t want her to upset Layla.

I let my husband know what had happened when he got home from work- Layla had already texted him trying to shame him for allowing Layla to be put on birth control. She has now involved my MIL and has even reached out to my own mother over facebook, claiming my husband and I are taking away our daughters autonomy.

I really think that the birth control was the right choice for our daughter, but the constant barrage of insults is starting to make me question things. AITA?

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

burlesque_nurse ( Top 1 ) says

Your SIL is an ass. There was actually a family that was in the news years back fighting in court to get their nonverbal & severely delayed daughter a hysterectomy. They won the case.

It was interesting to me since so many people didn’t even stop to consider the actual patient’s quality of life. IF IT IMPROVES HER QUALITY OF LIFE THEN GOOD!

Toccata00 ( Top 2 ) says

As a father of an autistic child. Sincerely f**ck your SIL and anyone who agrees with her

Glinda-The-Witch ( Top 3 ) says

NTA. Your sister-in-law has no right to an opinion in the situation. You did not unilaterally make this decision, you did so based on recommendations of professionals. I’m not sure where you’re located but “Period Underwear” has become quite common and may be helpful for your daughter during the times she has her period.

I suggest you don’t discuss your daughters condition or treatment with your sister-in-law in the future.

MrsDukat ( Top 4 ) says

Sounds to me both SIL and MIL are in deep denial over Layla’s limitations.If her periods are stressful for her, then anything to limit those stresses are important for her wellbeing.The fact that SIL didnt want to hear the reasoning proves that she is ignorant and in denial.

Ask them who she would be having children for, given that her symptoms mean that she wouldnt be able to raise a child herself.

DaniCapsFan ( Top 5 ) says

It sounds as if you made this decision in consultation with her doctors and therapists. Why would anyone worry about the fertility of someone whose autism is so severe, she’s like a preschooler? Not having to deal with her periods has helped Layla, so that is a positive. NTA

[deleted] ( Top 6 ) says

NTA it’s creepy that she has thoughts of her “mentally”toddler niece have s**x.

sandtigeress ( Top 7 ) says

NTA – don’t know what your Sils problem is. You discussed it with your doctors and it helps. A lot of women take the pill to regulate their circle. Her form of autism takes away your daughters autonomy , you are her guardian and therefore it is your role to make medical decisions.

Anya1823 ( Top 8 ) says

My stepdaughter is also autistic and though I was not involved in any of the decision making related to birth control – my SD was also put on for similar reasons and with similar results.

You are her parent/guardian/caretaker/protector. You have made an informed choice with medical professionals. End stop. You are completely fine with this decision as it is the best for your daughter and you on multiple levels.

Your SIL is TA for questioning and running to tell the township about your personal and private medical information. Your daughters cognitive age is 3-ish… should she be making or expected to make her own medical directives – no.

Unfortunately there is another side you are protecting her on where if (God forbid) she were to be in a care facility or taken advantage of by a sick individual – pregnancy prevention is a base covered without having that trauma. There are sick assholes in this world who prey upon just these types of victims – regrettably.

CakeZealousideal1820 ( Top 9 ) says

Your SIL needs to mind her business. I honestly wish you didn’t tell her because I feel like she’s going to bring it up whenever she can. NTA

discountbinmario ( Top 10 ) says

I don’t want to promote fertility in someone who is mentally 4 years old. The only way they’re getting pregnant is if someone takes advantage or assaults them and that is just horrendous. If her periods are distressing for her then pregnancy would be infinitely worse.