WIBTAH for reporting my mom and sister for “stealing” my car
A 24-year-old man shared a dilemma on Reddit’s AmItheAhole** subreddit about whether he would be wrong for reporting his mom and sister for taking his car without permission.
Living in a rural area, the man recently purchased his first car, a Mustang, which gave him a newfound sense of freedom. His sister, who is going through a divorce and without a vehicle, asked to borrow his car for a few months, but he refused.
Despite several offers from his mom and sister to pay for the car payments or insurance, he stood firm on his decision. However, without his consent, they took the car, and now he’s torn between reporting it as stolen or finding another solution, frustrated that his boundaries and property were disrespected.
Follow the full story below to see how this family conflict plays out.
WIBTAH for reporting my mom and sister for “stealing” my car.
I 24(m) live with my mom in a rural part of the USA. For context when it comes to my sister(37), she is much older and we come from different fathers, and both grew up in split custody arrangements. We are not particularly close, almost acquaintances moreso than siblings. I dont really feel any familial connection even though I love her, I dont feel obligated to bend backward for her.
Well sister lives 2 hours away (in a much more urban area) and is currently going through a divorce. Her and her ex-husband only had one vehicle and it belongs to the ex-husband, so when they split, he took the car. Sister has 4 daughters and works a full time job, I on the other hand work from home and have no real external responsibilities.
My mom came to me asking if my sister could borrow my car for a couple of months until the divorce is finalized so she has a way of transporting her and her kids to wherever they need to be without the financial burden of purchasing another car, or relying exclusively on ridesharing.
I just recently bought my car(’12 V8 Mustang), and its my first vehicle ever, i didnt get a hand-me-down, or get one as a present when I turned 16 or 18, I was basically immobile except occasionally being allowed to drive my moms car, or when my dad had me I could get ubers. Getting my own vehicle was extremely liberating (minus the loan), and I don’t feel trapped at home, so when I was approached with this proposal I flat out said no.
I can totally understand the justification for letting her use my car for a couple months, but aside from the fact I dont want to lose my newfound sense of freedom, I also just dont want someone else driving my car, and maybe thats s*lfish of me.
Over the last few days my mom and sister have been trying to convince me to let her use the car, saying that she would pay for the car payment while she has the car, or that she’d pay for insurance if she has it longer than anticipated. No matter what they brought to the table, I kept saying no. Much to their dissatisfaction.FF to this morning, I realize that my mom isn’t home. I opened our garage to see that her car was still there, but mine was not. I immediately know what has happened and call my mom about the situation. She just tries to calm me down and have me try to picture it from my sisters point of view, but im just flushed with rage and instead just tell her that im going to report the vehicle as stolen instead. She just hung up the phone.
As of now i presume my car is down with my sister, and i am seriously considering reporting it stolen and naming her and my sister as perpetrator and conspirator. I really dont want it to go that far, and I hope that we could instead work this out. But what I initially said as an angry t*reat, im starting to really consider as an option. I just dont know if its worth burning so many bridges over a car, but the fact that my family wont respect my boundaries or my property is so frustrating.
WIBTAH?
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
briomio says:
If Mom wanted Sis to have a car so much – MOM should have offered Mom’s car not your car. There is no way that your sister will respect and care for your car the same way you would.
Also, with four daughters its only a matter of time before hamburger stains and soft drink spills start appearing. I would call the police; its the only way apparently to get your point across as you have said “no” multiple times.
mogley19922 says:
This, if I were feeling inclined to warn them, I would give 15 minutes on top of the time it takes to drive from her home or work to OPs place. That’s more than generous.
They may say “this will ruin her life”
No she is ruining her life by stealing a f*cking car. She has the opportunity to bring it back right the f*ck now, or get picked up from her home or work by the police.
The most recent activity on OPs account is 8 hours ago, I hope they’ve gone quiet because they’ve been dealing with this since an hour after posting and immediately being hit with dozens of supporting comments. Please update us when you’re ready OP.
Reddittoxin says:
The only thing that concerns me about taking the nuclear option here is that from what it sounds like at least, they do have leverage over him (or the mom does at least) bc I’m assuming the mom owns the house he lives in.
I know for me, if I were ready to take the police route, I’d also be prepared to get kicked out of the house and make sure I have all my stuff prepared to go before hand. Giving someone a police record is kinda a big flaming bridge you gotta be ready to leave behind for good.
Roadgoddess says:
This, also NTA- the issue is if she has any accident in your car. It goes on your insurance and your insurance rates will go up. Aside from the fact for girls in your new car, are sure to destroy it quickly.
If you want to retain some level of peace, I would contact both of them and let them know that you will be calling the police in 20 minutes unless they get the car back to you.
The reality is, your sister should be working out the transportation issues with her ex-husband. It is not your responsibility. It is theirs as a family, even if they are separated. Or your mother should offer her car to drive if it’s that big of a deal.
MarkAndReprisal says:
Mustangs don’t really have four seats. They have fron bucket seats and in the back they have two seat-shaped objects that will barely accomodate a 3yo, much less a 6yo in a booster seat.
And if it’s a 2012, the passenger airbag doesn’t have an option to deactivate it, making it completely unsafe for a child under 5′ or 100lbs. No Mustang of ANY year has ever been usable as a family car.
MaryGodfree says:
Whats wild to me is it’s a mustang. V8. Two door coupe. Not a family car. Doesnt even seem practical for her. Call this in before she wraps that poor thing around a pole.
EDIT: And OF COURSE she damages it. Of course she does. I’m so upset for OP lol
QCr8onQ says:
I was thinking OP could offer his mom’s car. OP should call his mom and tell her that he called the police and to drive carefully. If that doesn’t do it…call the police. Then get all of his documents together and start looking for a new place to live, he deserves better.
TeachingClassic5869 says:
Where I live, it is exactly the opposite. If the person lives with you, they must be listed as a driver on your insurance policy in order to be covered. But if you lend your car out to a friend, they would be covered.
This story sheds light on how familial obligations and personal boundaries can clash, especially when it comes to respecting property and freedom. While the sister’s need for a car is understandable during a difficult time, the man’s desire to protect his newfound independence is also valid. The lack of communication and disregard for his decision has left him contemplating whether to take drastic measures or find a way to resolve the situation peacefully. This scenario opens up discussions on where the line is drawn between helping family and standing up for oneself.
What would you do in his situation? Would reporting the car as stolen be justified, or is there a better way to resolve this conflict?
