AITAH for not treating my niece/biodaughter more like one of my kids?
A man faces a unique family dynamic with his niece, Ava, who is also his biological daughter through sperm donation. Recently, Ava has started spending almost every day at his house, leading him and his wife to feel overwhelmed, especially since their own kids feel unable to enjoy time with their friends.
After discussing boundaries with his sister, she criticizes his approach, insisting he should treat Ava as one of his children, complicating an already delicate situation—follow along to see how this family navigates the challenges.
‘AITAH for not treating my niece/biodaughter more like one of my kids?’
I have a niece (Ava) who is also my bio daughter as I am her sperm donor. She is the daughter of my sister and her wife (her wife’s the bio mother as well). They obviously could not have children together. They decided to tell Ava about it a few months ago.
Originally the plan was to have Ava know from the beginning, but they changed their mind. That’s a whole other story though.Anyway since Ava has found she’s started coming over to our house everyday. It used to be just after school everyday, but now that summer break has started she is here from early in the morning too.
Now my niece is great and all, but having a guest over everyday was a little much for me. I talked to my wife about it. She admitted she also wasn’t happy about having a guest everyday either, but hadn’t said anything because she didn’t think it was her place to interfere given the situation.
I told her that I understood and we agreed to talk to our kids about them inviting her over less.However, when we talked to them we found out that they were not inviting her over. We had assumed they were since the the three were always together. They’ve explained it to us that she just started following them home after school one day.
They’ve also said that they don’t like having her over so much either. They don’t mind her over sometimes, but they don’t want a guest over all the time either. They also said with her always around they feel like they can’t go out and do things with their friends or invite them over.
So after we talked it through we agreed we would all be more comfortable with her coming over more like once every other week. Which I will add is still a lot more than she previously used to come over. Previously we would only see her on holidays.
I talked to my sister about it and she says I’m wrong for wanting a to push Ava out and calling her a guest. She’s says that’s she’s figuring out things and wants to spent more time with her bio siblings. Furthermore she said her daughter was crushed that we are going on a big family vacation next month and hadn’t invited her yet.
Another thing that has bothered her according to my sister is that we gave her the same birthday gift as we usually do (a $50 gift card) like nothing has changed. Overall my sister thinks I should be treating her more like how I treat my kids now.
Obviously this is a delicate situation and we want to treat it as such, but we do think it’s fair to have some firm boundaries.
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
Francl27 says:
Did your phone change sperm to supermarket because I’m dying.
hypohypenated says:
I thought it was lingo for a donor that was easily available and convenient. Made sense.
cjdftn says:
I guess in retrospect, it could be like a supermarket. You pick and choose the product. Just stay away from the discount bin
HarlequinMadness says:
Omg discount bin, I can’t breathe lmao!!
stonerbaby112 says:
I saw that too and almost spit out my whiskey! 😂😂😂
This scenario highlights the complexities of blended families and the challenges of setting boundaries while fostering relationships. Should the man adapt his approach to include Ava more as a family member, or is he justified in wanting to establish clear limits? What do you think? Share your thoughts in the comments!
