AITA for telling my son that village you wanted doesn’t exist since you burnt it to the ground
One woman recently shared her experience with her stepson, Nick, who distanced himself from her the moment he turned 18 and has since strained relationships with his siblings as well.
After years of little to no contact, Nick suddenly called, asking her to step in as a grandparent and help raise his two daughters.
Her blunt response left him upset. Curious about what happened?
‘AITA for telling my son that village you wanted doesn’t exist since you burnt it to the ground’
This is a bit complicated, I am a stepmom to five wonderful kids. I became their stepmom when the oldest was 9. I adopted all of them but one and that is Nick. He never wanted me to be his mom which is fine. The moment he turned 18 he made it very clear he doesn’t care about me at all.
I wasn’t invited to his wedding, any holidays and so on if he was hosting. My last straw was when he told me that he will come to Christmas that I was hosting if I left. So we are very low contact.
Along with that, he has blown up every sibling relationship. He has two girls now and he called me up. This was a surprise and we started talking.
After I while he started complaining about not getting help at all to raise his kids. He asked me to watch them on Sunday and step up as a grandparent.
I told him the reason the village doesn’t exist to raise his kids is due to him burning that village down. He called me a jerk and hung up. My husband is iffy on the situation but told me it’s my call since I would be the one to watch the kids most of the time since he travels often for work.
So I am posting here.
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
Alarming_Reply_6286 says
What has your husband been doing for the last however many years? Does he have a relationship with his son? How did y’all function before Nick turned 18? Where is Nick’s mother?
There’s too much missing here … but based on just the information it appears Nick is meeting the consequences of his choices.
NTA (maybe?)
ProfessionalHornet72 (OP) replies
Husband has a low contact also but it is due to different reason. He didn’t have a great relationship with his siblings but they tolerated each-other.
Nicks mom said I am out and basically gave up her rights. I have never talked to her and I don’t think the youngest has even talked to her.
I have no idea what she is up to
Self_Reintegration says
NTA. He called to complain he isn’t getting help, he didn’t call saying he regrets that he messed up his relationships.
He wants something from you, he doesn’t want you. This sucks, please prioritize yourself and the people in your life who actually care about you.
zenocrate says
INFO what is your relationship like with your other 4 kids (or rather, your 4 kids — it sounds like you never adopted Nick)?
Also, has Nick ever said why he doesn’t like you? As a mom, it seems really weird that he’d want to leave his kids with a woman he clearly despises.
Leaning toward not asshole, but I’m a little confused
ProfessionalHornet72 (OP) replies
I’m not his mother, never will be is his words. He is the middle child, he never would give me examples but I am too much according to him.
My relationship with the other four is great. I personally think he realized he isolated himself from the family
BaronsDad says
NTA. If he trusts you enough as a person to help raise his kids, the problem was never you.
The problem was always Nick.
