AITA for cancelling a surprise trip for my wife after she followed me to her best friends home

One Redditor on the AmItheA**hole subreddit revealed that tensions arose after he secretly planned a surprise trip to Asia for his wife, only to have her confront him over suspicions of infidelity.

When she followed him to her best friend’s house and accused him of cheating, he felt betrayed and ultimately canceled the trip, stating her lack of trust made him feel unappreciated.

Now, he’s facing backlash from his wife for his decision, leaving him to question if he was too harsh in his reaction to her actions.

AITA for cancelling a surprise trip for my wife after she followed me to her best fiends home?

My wife and I have been married for 5 years, I thought our marriage was good. Recently I have been quite busy because I’ve been secretly planning a surprise trip to Asia. My wife has always wanted to go and over the years I have been saving up to take her.

It’s taken a lot of coordination with her best friend and my in-laws. Her best friend since middle school has been helping me make a trip since she has a much clearer Idea of everywhere my wife wanted to visit. My in-laws were going to watch our two kids for the trip. It was suppose to happen next year and I was going to give this as her birthday gift which was coming up this month

A few days ago, she confronted me out of the blue, saying she had “proof” I was cheating. Turns out, she’s been tracking my movements and even followed me one night when I went to her friend’s house to work on the trip details. She saw me go in, and that was enough for her to jump to the conclusion that I was having an affair. When I got back that night she throw some of my stuff out and accused me of cheating on her.

I tried explaining the situation without spoiling the surprise, but she wouldn’t let it go. Eventually, we had a huge fight, and I felt forced to reveal the truth about the trip. I told her I was planning this special getaway and had been working with her best friend to make everything perfect. Her best fiend confirmed this and I even had to show the trip info. She believed me after her mom confirmed it.

Instead of relief, I am extremely hurt. It became clear to me that she didn’t trust me at all. She started tracking my movements which is so gross and that says a lot about where we stand. I canceled the entire trip. I told her that her lack of trust made me feel like all the effort I put into it didn’t matter anymore. I didn’t want to go and pay for a trip with her after she didn’t trust me whatso ever

she’s kinda p*ssed, saying I overreacted and that canceling the trip was too extreme. She kinda apologized for accusing me ( more sorry but it’s your fault type of deal) but said she felt justified in her suspicions because of how secretive I’d been. She thinks I should have been more understanding of her feelings, but I feel like jumping straight to cheating and following me showed a serious breach of trust on her part.

I am refusing to rebook the trip and she is now calling me a jerk. Her best friend is on my side and is also p*ssed she jumped to cheating. She is also married which add insult to injury here.

Edit; for people asking, it was easier for both of us to just met up. My message are connected to the iPad that she uses often and calls wouldn’t work because of the time when her best friend was free. I would have to hide in the hosue or even leave so she wouldn’t overhear the conversation.

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

Either-Youth9618 says

So you behaved in a new and secretive way, had clandestine meetings with another woman, hid information, and are now upset that your wife assumed something was going on? An affair is a very logical conclusion for your wife to reach. What would you have thought if the roles were reversed?

Also, why did planning a trip involve so much help from her best friend? I don’t think it’s bad that you asked the friend, I’m just curious as to why multiple meetings were needed.

You aren’t the AH for trying to plan an awesome surprise trip…however think about the scenario. You start taking off and spending time with her friend. Is this new behaviour? Do you spend time like this a lot with other women? I’d be suspicious too if my wife started hanging around my best friend without telling me.

You aren’t the AH for cancelling the trip. At this point your marriage is on shaky ground. Your wife doesn’t trust you. You feel betrayed. A big trip is absolutely the wrong thing for you at this time. I think this an an ESH scenario where the intention was great but the execution flawed.

NTA. You are not the one who overreacted here. And since she clearly doesn’t trust you, why would she want to go on a trip with you out of the country?

ESH. My husband sneaking around with my best friend??? I would lose it too. Your explanation doesn’t make sense either – you are a grown up in the Internet age with all the possible travel planning resources at your fingertips. Why on earth do you need to spend multiple trips with her best friend to plan trip??

You could have called or emailed her best friend for info. Don’t be sneaking around if you don’t want to look suspicious. Next time plan the trip with your wife – it’s fun to plan things together.