AITA For Telling My Girlfriend’s Mom That Lying Has Consequences?

Navigating the complexities of a relationship often means dealing with family dynamics that can test even the most patient hearts. The OP, a 23-year-old man, finds himself caught in a delicate situation involving his girlfriend Kelly’s mother, Stacy. Despite Stacy’s advanced age, her habitual dishonesty—particularly when it comes to “forgetting” her wallet during errands—has long been a source of frustration for both the OP and Kelly. Although Kelly has learned to accept her mother’s fibs as part of her personality, the OP’s tolerance hit a limit when he was forced to pay for Stacy’s forgotten items yet again.

The breaking point came during a recent errand run, when a heated confrontation ensued over Stacy’s repeated false assurances. In an attempt to set a firm boundary, the OP bluntly stated, “Lying has consequences.” While this declaration was meant to address a recurring pattern of deceit, it sparked a fallout that has left both Stacy and Kelly upset. The incident raises important questions about honesty, respect, and the impact of confronting long-standing behavior in family relationships.

‘AITA For Telling My Girlfriend’s Mom That Lying Has Consequences?’

So I (23M) am dating Kelly (25F). Kelly has two very nice mothers, Gina (64F) and Stacy (71F), that I get on with quite well. The problem relevant to this post is that Stacy has a history of lying, very often, about things both serious and not serious, which Kelly has complained to me about a few times. While the lying does bother me, mainly because it hurts Kelly’s feelings and stresses her out, Kelly says she’s trying to let it go and has just come to accept it as part of her mother’s personality.

Well, I went to run errands with Stacy last week, and when she forgot her wallet I thought it was a genuine mistake. She’s in her 70s, she’s forgetting things, it’s no big deal, I’ll buy her the couple things she needs and she’ll get it back to me when she can. It wasn’t until later that day when I was alone with Kelly and recounting my day that she stopped me as asked if Stacy had me pay for something.

I said yes, and Kelly explained that this is something she does to everybody if they agree to go with her somewhere and she has/wants to buy something. She claims she “forgot” her wallet, asks you to pay, promises to pay you back, but almost never follows through. This was upsetting to hear, as I also don’t like to be lied to and had not experienced Stacy lying to me yet. It’s also not even about money for Stacy, as she has quite a bit to her name, no debt, and Gina pays most of the bills.

Anyway, yesterday Stacy asked me to come with her again for errands, because she needed to pick up some things and they’re too heavy for her to handle. I agreed, and before we walked out the door I said “oh wait, I forgot something” and went and grabbed my jacket. I asked her if she was sure that she also had everything she needed, specifically listing wallet/keys/phone, she said yes. I asked if she checked before we stepped outside, she said yes again.

So on we went, and after the initial errands we stopped at the d**g store and she ended up asking me to grab her something while I was inside, claiming she forgot her wallet again. The conversation went like this: Me: I thought you said you had everything you needed before we left.. Her: I did, I guess I was wrong.. Me: You said you checked.. Her: I did.

Me: So did you lie to me about having your wallet or did you lie to me about checking for it? Her: I don’t know what you’re talking about. Me: Do you really not have it with you or are you lying about that too? Her: Why are you having an attitude with me?. Me: Why did you lie to me? Her: It’s not a big deal. If you don’t want to help me then I’m going home.

Me: I don’t have an attitude, I’m just not going to deal with you lying to me. Lying has consequences. She was pissed to say the least and gave me the cold shoulder after this and Kelly says she hasn’t come out of her room since we got back from errands yesterday. Did I go overboard here?

Establishing boundaries with family members, especially in situations involving recurring dishonesty, can be incredibly challenging. Dr. Brené Brown, a well-respected researcher on vulnerability and personal boundaries, has emphasized that “setting limits is an act of self-respect—it’s about recognizing when behaviors become harmful to our well-being” (​). The OP’s experience with Stacy’s habitual lying is not merely about forgotten wallets; it reflects a broader issue of trust and accountability within family dynamics.

Dr. Brown explains that when dishonesty is a repeated behavior, it can undermine the integrity of personal relationships and create an environment where one party feels continually taken advantage of. The OP’s decision to confront Stacy wasn’t an impulsive outburst, but rather an effort to halt a cycle of behavior that had long been normalized within the family. His clear statement that “Lying has consequences” was intended to set a precedent, signaling that deceit is no longer acceptable—even if it comes from a loved one.

In situations like this, experts suggest that confronting problematic behavior directly, albeit sensitively, is essential for maintaining healthy relationships. It encourages accountability and opens the door for change, even if the initial reaction is one of shock or hurt. The emotional fallout from such confrontations can be significant, but Dr. Brown reminds us that long-term growth often requires these difficult conversations. She notes that while change is not immediate, setting boundaries can gradually lead to a more honest and respectful dynamic.

Moreover, this incident underscores the importance of supporting one’s partner while also asserting one’s own values. The OP’s approach—addressing the issue openly and refusing to accept repeated lies—demonstrates a commitment to integrity in his relationship. While it may have temporarily strained his connection with Kelly’s mother and even Kelly herself, it serves as a crucial step toward ensuring that dishonesty does not continue to erode the foundation of trust that is vital for any family.

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

The Reddit community has largely sided with the OP in this situation. Many commenters emphasized that Stacy’s habitual lying is unacceptable and that the OP was well within his rights to call her out. Numerous voices supported his firm stance, arguing that repeated dishonesty, regardless of age, undermines trust and should indeed have consequences. The consensus among many was that, while the delivery might have been blunt, it was necessary to prompt a re-evaluation of the behavior that had long been taken for granted.

1962Michael −  NTA. Obviously this is her long habit and she isn’t used to being called out for it. She’s avoiding people because she is both embarrassed and angry. If you wanted her to re-think her habit, then you’ve succeeded. Stacy may not even realize the game she’s playing. When she says “I forgot my wallet” what she means is “please by this for me.” Gina has figured this out, as has Kelly. They either pay or don’t. In future I suggest you do the same, although I suspect it may be a while before she tries this again with you.

Ready-Replacement181 −  NTA, she may be 71 but she knows exactly what she doing. She probably not used to people pulling her up on her nonsense. 

Rye_One_ −  When you were standing at the door ready to leave and she confirmed that she had her wallet, you should have hit her then with “great, before I take you out on errands today, you can pay me back the money you borrowed last time”. That would have covered the previous trip AND made sure she actually had her wallet for the current trip.

New-Comment2668 −  NTA. At best what Stacy is doing is lying, at worst, she is stealing from you as she promises to pay you back and then doesn’t. Lying has consequences, and it is time Stacy experiences those consequences.

extinct_diplodocus −  NTA. Good for you for refusing to be scammed a second time! Stacy badly needed this wake up call. She appears to be too used to consequence-free lying.

Admirable_Aide5558 −  Stacy FAFO. Be prepared to be treated badly and /or be iced out by her from now on.    NTA.   

MyAskRedditAcct −  NTA but how does your GF feel about it? My grandmother was a chronic liar and, at least in my experience, just not playing along worked as well if not better than confronting her. Granted, my grandma was genuinely mentally ill (BPD, untreated) and I obviously don’t know Stacey’s deal. Confrontation had a fall out. Just “nope, I don’t have money to buy you something” a few times and she realized you weren’t an effective “mark” and moved on. Again, not the ah. Just wise to make sure you’re not creating drama for your girlfriend.

MilkyPsycow −  NTA. Woman ain’t used to having people catch her when she cons them.

Good_Pea_7294 −  NTA at all. It seems you handled this in a very mature way, Stacy will have a hard time being called out on her well entrenched faults. Firm boundaries are important. Just keep handling them this maturely.

Revolutionary_Let_39 −  NTA. It’s good that you set boundaries with her now, or she would have continued to take advantage of you. Stacy clearly has psychological issues that she needs to get sorted out.

In conclusion, the OP’s decision to confront Stacy about her repeated dishonesty highlights the challenges of maintaining healthy boundaries in the face of longstanding family habits. While it is never easy to call out a loved one on their behavior, sometimes doing so is essential for preserving trust and respect within relationships.

This situation invites us to reflect on how we address dishonesty in our own lives—what are the consequences we’re willing to enforce, and how do we balance love with accountability? What strategies have you found effective when dealing with repetitive dishonesty in family dynamics? Share your experiences and thoughts in the comments below.