AITA for not deplaning with my husband after he was kicked off for being too drunk?
In any partnership, mutual support is vital—especially during travel, when plans and schedules are often non-negotiable. In this situation, you found yourself facing a difficult decision when your husband, Adam, got so intoxicated at the airport that he was denied boarding.
With an expensive, long-haul flight looming and limited flexibility in your schedule, you took the necessary steps to ensure your trip could go on, calling your brother-in-law to look after him while you caught your flight. Now, Adam’s upset and argues that if the roles were reversed, he would never have left you alone when you were in a similar state. However, his argument overlooks the fundamental issue: personal accountability for one’s actions.
‘AITA for not deplaning with my husband after he was kicked off for being too drunk?’
Dr. Martin Keller, a relationship and behavioral expert, emphasizes that “personal responsibility is the cornerstone of healthy adult behavior.” In situations like these, where one partner’s decisions directly impact shared plans, it is essential for both individuals to understand that accountability for one’s actions cannot be shifted onto the other.
Dr. Keller explains, “When an adult chooses to consume alcohol to the point of impairment, the natural consequence is that they cannot be relied upon to make sound decisions. This isn’t about favoritism or neglect; it’s about safety and practicality.”
He further notes that leaving a partner who is too intoxicated is not an act of abandonment but a necessary step to prevent further complications. “If one person’s behavior jeopardizes the logistics or safety of a trip, it is reasonable for the other partner to take measures to ensure that the travel plans proceed as scheduled,” Dr. Keller adds.
He also stresses that comparing hypothetical scenarios—such as asserting that roles would be reversed if one were in the same situation—misses the point. “Each adult is accountable for their own actions. If Adam had managed his alcohol consumption responsibly, this scenario would not have occurred. His responsibility is to know his limits, especially when a significant commitment like a long-haul flight is involved.”
Moreover, Dr. Keller highlights that in any partnership, both individuals must respect each other’s time and obligations. “When your schedule, work commitments, and financial investments are at stake, it is unreasonable to expect one partner to bear the consequences of the other’s poor decisions. It’s a matter of mutual respect and practical logistics,” he concludes. His perspective reinforces the idea that your actions were not only justified but necessary to safeguard your plans and well-being.
Check out how the community responded:
he Reddit community overwhelmingly supports your decision. Commenters argue that Adam’s behavior was a result of his own poor choices and that his claim of “if roles were reversed” doesn’t hold water when personal accountability is considered. Many stress that adults must manage their alcohol intake responsibly, particularly when travel is involved, and that arranging for alternative care—like calling your brother-in-law—was the best way to handle the situation without jeopardizing your entire trip.
In conclusion, you are not the asshole for leaving Adam behind in such a critical moment. His excessive drinking led to consequences that were entirely his own, and your decision to ensure that your flight proceeded as planned was both reasonable and necessary. While it might be painful to see him upset, this situation serves as a reminder of the importance of personal responsibility.
What steps would you take if you were in a similar situation? Have you ever had to make a tough call because a partner’s actions disrupted your plans? Share your thoughts and experiences—let’s discuss how best to balance personal accountability and mutual support in challenging moments.