AITA for not meeting up with my mom after she missed my wedding?

I got married a month ago, and while my wedding was filled with joy and support from my dad’s side of the family, my mom’s absence left me devastated. Despite her explaining that a family emergency involving my half-brother prevented her from coming, I felt deeply abandoned—especially since no one reached out to inform me beforehand.

Now, even though I understand emergencies happen, the lack of clear communication has left me hurt and angry. I’m still struggling with whether I overreacted or if my feelings are justified, and I’m not ready to meet her just yet.

‘AITA for not meeting up with my mom after she missed my wedding?’

Letting a significant family event be overshadowed by a missing loved one can create an emotional imbalance that lingers for years. Dr. Laura Markham, a renowned family therapist, states, “When a parent misses a milestone, especially a wedding, it can cause deep emotional distress for the child. The absence feels like a rejection, even when the reasons are valid. It’s important to process those feelings openly.” (https://www.ahaparenting.com)

Dr. Markham explains that in families where communication is already strained, a single instance of non-attendance can amplify feelings of abandonment. “The lack of clear communication in such situations leaves room for misunderstandings. When the child isn’t informed about the reasons for a parent’s absence,

it can foster a sense of betrayal that is hard to overcome.” She further emphasizes that while logistical or emergency situations might prevent attendance, it’s crucial for family members to communicate effectively to mitigate the emotional fallout.

In my situation, I felt that aside from the obvious chaos surrounding Jack’s accident, my mom’s failure to inform me was a clear breach of that communication. The fact that my step-siblings, who are tech-savvy and independent, didn’t reach out adds to my frustration. Dr. Markham would argue that when a parent’s absence is unexplained or shrouded in secrecy, it leaves the door open for feelings of resentment and hurt.

“Boundaries and expectations need to be clear—especially on days of major importance. If a parent misses such an event without proper explanation, the repercussions can affect their relationship long term.”

Experts also note that while forgiveness and reconciliation are important, they shouldn’t come at the expense of one’s emotional well-being. “If you’re not ready to reconcile, it’s okay to take your time,” Dr. Markham advises. “Healing is a process, and it’s crucial for individuals to feel heard and understood.” In my case, my reluctance to meet my mom was a cry for acknowledgment of my pain—a way of saying that my feelings are valid and that I need time to process the hurt caused by her absence.

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

The Reddit community largely sides with my perspective. Commenters have pointed out that missing a wedding is a significant loss, and if there’s a valid emergency, someone should inform you immediately. Many feel that my mom’s repeated absence at major events, along with her delayed explanation, only adds to the hurt.

Some users suggest that her behavior might indicate a deeper pattern of neglect, while others advise seeking therapy to process these complex feelings. Overall, the consensus is that I’m not the asshole for refusing to meet her immediately—my feelings of betrayal are completely understandable given the circumstances.

Ultimately, my refusal to meet my mom right after missing my wedding was a response to a deep sense of hurt and betrayal. While I recognize that emergencies can happen, clear communication is crucial in preserving trust. I’m curious—how do you handle situations when a loved one misses an important event?

Have you ever felt left out due to a lack of communication, and how did you cope with it? Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments below, and let’s discuss how to navigate the complex emotions that arise when family expectations aren’t met.