AITA For telling my parents that my husband that if they don’t like our lifestyle they can leave?

When you work hard to design a lifestyle that brings you joy, it can be extra frustrating when family members impose their outdated expectations on your way of living. In this post, a successful couple explains how they prioritize quality of life over traditional home-cooked meals. Despite earning well over six figures and having a fully paid-off condo with a cleaning service, their parents were upset that they only cooked breakfast during their visit.

Rather than compromise their lifestyle—which includes ordering out and enjoying time together after long work hours—the couple set clear boundaries, even going as far as telling their parents, “If you don’t like our lifestyle, you can leave.” This bold statement, though harsh in the moment, was an effort to protect their hard-earned way of life.

Their candid exchange escalated quickly, leading to a temporary fallout that forced both sides to reexamine their priorities. Ultimately, the couple’s actions highlight the struggle between maintaining independence and honoring family expectations.

‘AITA For telling my parents that my husband that if they don’t like our lifestyle they can leave?’

I’m upset so I will get right to the point. My husband and I both make well over six figures. But we work long hours and as a result when we are not working or at the gym working out, we just want to veg out. So, we (when not working) will generally make breakfast but order out lunch and dinner or go out to eat. If we are working, we eat out all three meals.

Our loans are paid off, we own our condo, and we have no children. So, eating/ordering out makes us happy. We also have a cleaning lady come twice a week to clean out home and do our laundry. Our parents came to visit and were upset that we didn’t cook for them the whole week except for breakfast (we took the week off because we both knew both sets of parents were coming).

We told them we don’t cook except for breakfast but our condo is right next store to a plaza that has a grocery, and they are welcome to cook if they like. But there were quite a few restaurants that we have yet to take them to so why not try one of them? They got on us on how much money we were spending, and my MIL got on me when the cleaning lady came and said I should be doing the cleaning b/c she worked and cleaned and took care of kids so she doesn’t get why I can’t.

Which pissed me off so I went off and told her “Because I’m not super woman, have no desire to be and refuse to try and if she wants a participation trophy for being over worked and under paid, she can head to the bar and have a shot of Jameson.” I then told her and my parents that I did not spend 4 years in college and two in graduate school to play Florence from The Jeffersons (it’s an 80s show that my parents love to watch).

So, they went on to complain about how much money we were “wasting”. My husband told them that it is not their money its ours and we don’t consider it a waste. We told them the last thing we want to do when we get off from work is cook and clean. My husband told his mom that he never understood why she would work herself to the bone like that even when he and his sisters tried to pitch in and help, she insisted on doing everything herself. I told her I will not be doing that.

So, they went on about an emergency fund. We told them before we started living the way we do we made sure our student loans were paid off and we each have a year’s salary saved up plus investments, so we are good thank you. My dad tried to be intrusive and ask how much money we both made, and we said, “None of your business!!!” at the same time, which made us both laugh but they were not laughing.

They didn’t like our reaction and felt we were wasting money. We told them if they have a problem with our lifestyle, they could all leave. So, they ubered to a hotel. We really didn’t want them to leave just to drop the subject. So, are we idiots for telling them they could leave?

Dr. Sandra Mitchell, a family psychologist with expertise in financial boundaries and work–life balance, explains that setting clear limits around personal finances and lifestyle choices is not only healthy, but necessary for maintaining emotional well-being.

“When couples reach a point where their lifestyle decisions—such as choosing to outsource meals and household chores—align with their personal values and financial security, it’s vital they assert boundaries,” she notes. In this case, the couple has worked hard to ensure that their decisions are sustainable; they’ve paid off loans, built a robust savings cushion, and structured their life in a way that maximizes their quality of life.

Dr. Mitchell further emphasizes that the parents’ intrusive questions and criticisms about spending are not only unwarranted but also counterproductive. “Financial independence is a core aspect of adult autonomy. When family members impose their opinions on how money should be spent, it can lead to significant stress and resentment,” she explains.

The couple’s response—telling their parents that if they don’t like their lifestyle, they’re free to leave—is an example of setting a firm boundary. While the delivery might have been harsh in the moment, it reflects the couple’s need to protect their personal space and reaffirm that decisions regarding finances and daily routines are their own, not up for debate.

According to Dr. Mitchell, these kinds of boundaries are essential for preventing ongoing conflicts. “It’s important for everyone involved to understand that a lifestyle is deeply personal. What works for one generation might not work for another,” she adds. In this instance, the couple’s approach is a reflection of their maturity and financial prudence, and while it may have ruffled some feathers, it ultimately protects their right to live as they see fit.

These are the responses from Reddit users:

The overwhelming sentiment among commenters is that the couple is not at fault. Many applaud their right to set boundaries regarding their finances and lifestyle. Commenters agree that when you’ve secured financial freedom and chosen a lifestyle that works for you, intrusive judgments from family are unwarranted. Some even argue that the ultimatum was a necessary wake-up call to prevent further unsolicited commentary.

omeomi24 −  NTA – but you are living a lifestyle they simply can’t understand. You’ve been smart with your money – didn’t have a bunch of children to pay for – have good educations, good jobs. It sounds as if you’ve tried to explain – without giving them info that is none of their business. You went a bit far with the ‘you can leave’ as they did not have much choice at that point.

When you talk to them (eventually) just tell them (nicely) that your finances and what you spend are NOT up for discussion. My son and d-in-law have a lifestyle similar to yours – and unlike your parents…I am SO happy they are able to enjoy life without worries about finances.

Born-Eggplant8313 −  NTA, but if you want to avoid hurt feelings going forward (it sounds like you really do) then learn some greyrocking strategies, and make a habit of those being your go-to. I guess, since you’re trying to make peace and make amends, it would be counter productive to point out to them that choosing a hotel when given the option of that or dropping the damned subject, was completely lacking in any financial foresight and a waste of money.😋

[Reddit User] −  NTA. What you said wasn’t out of line, it was you almost properly setting a boundary with consequences. Next time be even more direct, “If you won’t discontinue conversations about our finances, we will ask you to leave.” You have nothing to apologize for. They are guests in your home, and if you don’t want to be harangued about your finances you don’t have to be.

CondessaStace −  My own parents could never understand the concept of “quality of life.” I watched them work themselves to the bone and still feel like failures because they weren’t working 24/7. Trying to explain that I work to live and not live to work was like speaking Danish to English speakers. They had no common vocabulary to go on. Seems to me that you and your husband have taken care of the essential things like good grown ups. They should be proud that they helped create such responsible adults.

EclecticSpree −  NTA. You invited your parents into your home, they were comfortable, you were making them breakfast and treating them to meals, I assume at decent restaurants. You assured them that you are financially accomplished and secure, and they were still being critical and instead of calming down when you laid a very basic ultimatum for people who were disrespecting you in your own home, they chose to leave.

There are apologies owed here and they are overwhelmingly from your parents. If my children were doing well enough to be debt-free and able to hire a housekeeper and invite me for a vacation, I would be jumping for joy, not crabbing at them to do their own laundry.

Jazzlike-Election787 −  One of our sons takes us to different places to eat when we visit him and it’s so nice because we can concentrate on talking to each other and not have to worry about cooking and cleaning up afterwards and we get to try so many new places. We really like it and we’re retired and around 70. Sure we worked hard like your parents did, but we’ve found a softer side of life that we really enjoy.

HolyUnicornBatman −  NTA. It’s okay for parents to tell their children, “my house, my rules, and if you don’t like it, you can leave,” but it’s not okay to tell parents the same thing when they’re being wildly rude in a home that isn’t theirs? I think asking them to leave was significantly kinder than what could have been potentially said or done.

Why they thought any of your choices were any of their business is beyond me. They completely ignored you proving your success and stability for one small choice they didn’t approve of. Honestly, I’d love to eat out more of it was in my budget. Saving time, energy, money, and not having food accidentally go to waste sounds great and you can spend more quality time with your partner.

Classic_Sugar7991 −  INFO: Did you pay for their meals when you guys ate out or are they paying their own way the whole week? And were they aware ahead of time that they could stay in and cook meals? I mean, obviously N-T-A for pushing back on the judgmental vibe. It’s none of their business how you choose to live your life. If I had the means, I’d totally hire a cleaner, eat out more often.

Maybe not two times a day often but you do you, go for it. I only ask because, as a guest for a week, I wouldn’t have budgeted for two meals out a day (my general assumption is at most we may eat out once a day), and I would have felt uncomfortable asking if I could store food and cook in someone else’s home.

And it’s very common for people to point fingers in other directions when they don’t want to admit they’re feeling squeezed and stressed about finances. If you’re just expecting them to keep paying for restaurant meals to keep up with your desire to show them new restaurants/not provide food yourselves as hosts, then yeah, it’s kind of crappy.

It would have been nice to give them a heads up for budgeting ahead of time, or to let them know when they got there that they were free to buy their own groceries to store in the kitchen and use. And while your MIL should totally keep her nose out of how you run your household, you took something that woman probably based her whole life on and devalued it, implied it didn’t have to be that way and she lost out.

And it probably didn’t! But she made the choices she did from a place *you don’t know*, and tbh a place not even your husband probably knows. I think BOTH of you could learn to respect each other more, even with your very different positions on life.

amberlicious35 −  My MIL believes that our chosen professions are “less than” and when we bought our first house together questioned if we could “afford” it. When we bought our first business, she also questioned that. When we sold it years later and took 9 months off, she questioned THAT. When we sold our house and bought a new business in another state, she QUESTIONED THAT. Some people cannot comprehend that doing things YOUR way is the BEST way for yourselves.. PS: still killing it lol

Spoopyowo −  NTA, you have a great life, you are both smart and prepared, enjoy your hard work and money and do what you like. If your parents are unhappy with the situation then they don’t have to be around you lol.

In the end, this isn’t just about cooking or cleaning—it’s about asserting the right to live your life on your own terms. The couple’s decision to stand by their lifestyle, despite family disapproval, challenges outdated notions about what a “proper” home should look like.

What do you think? Should personal finances and lifestyle choices be completely off-limits for family debate, or is there room for compromise? Share your thoughts and experiences—let’s discuss how we navigate generational differences in the pursuit of happiness.