AITA for not letting my girlfriend have a slice of my birthday cake after what she did last year?

Is withholding cake ever justified, or is this the ultimate case of holding a grudge? OP loves his mom’s homemade birthday cake—a tradition he looks forward to every year. Last year, his girlfriend ignored his request to save him the last slice and ate it while he was at work. She didn’t apologize, just shrugged it off with an “Oh, I didn’t think you’d care.” OP let it go at the time but didn’t forget.

This year, when his mom made the same cake, OP decided to return the favor. When his girlfriend asked for a slice, he told her, “Nope, this one’s all mine.” She thought he was joking, but when she realized he was serious, she got mad—accusing OP of holding a year-long grudge over cake. Now, she’s barely speaking to him, and their friends say he’s being petty. Was OP justified in setting this boundary, or is he making a big deal over nothing?

‘AITA for not letting my girlfriend have a slice of my birthday cake after what she did last year?’

Expert Opinion:

The Psychology of Resentment in Relationships

This isn’t just about cake—it’s about respect, boundaries, and unresolved resentment. Dr. John Gottman, a leading psychologist in relationships, identifies “stonewalling” and “scorekeeping” as common issues that build tension between couples. These behaviors happen when one partner holds onto an issue instead of resolving it in the moment, which can lead to passive-aggressive responses later on.

In OP’s case:

• His girlfriend dismissed his feelings last year.
• He never fully expressed how hurt he was.
• Instead of addressing it, he let resentment build up and retaliated a year later.

This cycle is unhealthy, and it often leads to larger conflicts over time.

Was OP’s Girlfriend Disrespectful?

Yes. Eating the last slice of someone’s birthday cake—after they specifically asked you not to—is inconsiderate. It’s not about the cake itself, but about ignoring a clear request and then refusing to acknowledge wrongdoing.

A small, simple apology—”Oh shoot, I’m sorry, I didn’t realize it meant that much to you”—could have resolved this immediately. Instead, she shrugged it off, which made OP feel like his preferences didn’t matter.

How to Handle Small Conflicts Before They Become Big Ones

1. Address issues in real time – OP should have told his girlfriend last year, “Hey, that really bugged me. Next time, please don’t do that.”
2. Apologies go a long way – If his girlfriend had simply said, “I’m sorry, I won’t do that again,” OP wouldn’t have felt the need to prove a point this year.
3. Be clear about boundaries – If OP really wanted the cake to himself this year, he could’ve explained his reasoning without making it feel like revenge.

The key takeaway? Grudges over small things tend to grow into bigger relationship issues.

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

Most Redditors agree: both OP and his girlfriend contributed to this mess. His girlfriend was wrong for disregarding OP’s request and not apologizing. But OP was also wrong for waiting a full year to retaliate, instead of addressing the issue when it happened. Small conflicts like this can fester and become bigger relationship problems if they aren’t handled properly.

At the end of the day, is cake really worth the tension? Maybe it’s time for OP and his girlfriend to communicate better—before next year’s birthday cake turns into another battle. What do you think? Was OP justified, or did he take this too far? Share your thoughts below!