AITA for not retaking the family photo since my DIL was not in it?

Coordinating a massive family photo shoot can feel like herding cats, especially when nearly 40 people are involved. After hours of planning, the photographer’s time constraints, and everyone’s busy schedules, the goal is simply to get everyone in one shot with minimal chaos. For the person in charge, it often means juggling last-minute delays and fielding calls from stragglers, all while trying to keep the show on the road.

In this case, the big day arrived, and after multiple reminders of when the group picture would start, one family member—specifically a daughter-in-law—missed the main photo. As the organizer finished up the session, she discovered that the DIL had been in the bathroom fixing her hair. Cue the inevitable standoff: Should the entire family gather again (and pay for extra photographer time), or does the DIL accept that she missed her chance?

‘AITA for not retaking the family photo since my DIL was not in it?’

Before exploring the broader implications and expert analysis, here’s the original Reddit post detailing the situation:

Planning events with large families is notoriously tricky—someone is almost always late, and the organizer must keep things moving. According to Dr. Susan Kuczmarski, a family culture expert, success hinges on clear communication and respect for everyone’s schedules. The bigger the group, the bigger the collective effort to stay on track. In this instance, the OP had provided clear timelines, called to confirm everyone was accounted for, and relied on the assumption that the son would notice if his wife was missing during the actual photo.

In group dynamics, last-minute changes can create significant ripples. Family psychologist Dr. Harriet Lerner points out that resentment often arises when one individual’s tardiness or personal needs impact the group’s timeline. Even with the best intentions, a single person stepping away from a 40-person shoot at a critical moment can cause a logistical nightmare. When the DIL demanded a do-over, she might not have realized the extra financial and emotional burden placed on the OP, the photographer, and the 39 other family members who were hungry and ready to move on.

A crucial detail here is the son’s role. It’s entirely possible he saw the group assembling and simply didn’t speak up that his wife was absent. Couples typically advocate for each other, so letting the family organizer know one partner is missing is basic courtesy. In the heat of the moment, it’s understandable the DIL feels left out. However, conflict resolution experts like Dr. John Gottman emphasize that mutual responsibility is key: the onus wasn’t solely on the OP to re-check a third time; the son and DIL could also have communicated.

The practical takeaway is that organizing a large family photo requires shared accountability. The OP had set a schedule, and everyone had been informed. If the DIL wanted to redo the shot, it would be reasonable for her and the son to handle any extra costs or to arrange their own updated version—potentially by hiring someone to photoshop her in. Maintaining family harmony may mean compromise, but it shouldn’t come at the expense of others’ time and money, especially when the situation was avoidable.

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

Below is a brief glimpse of Reddit users’ reactions:

Overall, they largely agree that the daughter-in-law bears responsibility for missing the call time, and it’s not fair to demand the entire family to reorganize (and the OP to pay more) for a second session. Many pointed out the son also should have spoken up immediately if his wife was absent.

In a perfect world, nobody would miss the family picture. In reality, it takes just one absent person to throw a carefully orchestrated event into disarray. While it’s understandable that the DIL feels upset about being left out, the blame may lie more on her own timing and lack of communication than on the OP’s scheduling. We want to hear your thoughts: How would you handle a similar situation, and have you ever faced a family photo fiasco that tested your patience? Feel free to share in the discussion below.