AITA for not prioritising my baby after his birth?
When one of life’s most pivotal moments arrives, emotions can run so high that even a split-second oversight feels monumental. In this story, a 27-year-old man shares his experience of being so overwhelmed by his wife’s intense labor that, in the chaos of the delivery room, he forgot to check on their newborn baby.
Though the baby was later confirmed to be healthy, his focus was entirely on his wife—who was fighting for her life during what was supposed to be a joyous occasion. His mother later questioned him about the baby’s appearance, sparking a storm of criticism from family members and even his wife, who overheard disparaging remarks. This situation has left him questioning if he truly failed in his duty as a father.
The backlash has been swift and severe, with some accusing him of not prioritizing his child, while others defend his instinctive reaction under extreme stress. Amid conflicting opinions, he now wonders if he acted selfishly or simply as any human might under such unprecedented emotional strain.
‘AITA for not prioritising my baby after his birth?’
Dr. Sarah Wilson, a psychologist specializing in childbirth and early parenthood, explains, “In moments of acute stress during delivery, it is not uncommon for partners—especially fathers—to become overwhelmingly focused on their loved one’s well-being. This hyper-focus can sometimes result in a brief lapse in attention towards the newborn, even when the baby is healthy.”
In the high-pressure environment of a delivery room, many factors can impair clear thinking. Dr. Wilson notes, “The intensity of witnessing a loved one in pain, combined with the shock of the birth, can temporarily override other impulses. It doesn’t reflect a lack of care; rather, it’s a human response to extreme stress.” Such reactions, she assures, are not uncommon and should not be seen as a failure of fatherhood.
Moreover, Dr. Wilson emphasizes the importance of context. “Every birth is unique. While some fathers may immediately bond with their newborn, others might be so consumed by the emotional upheaval that their initial focus shifts to ensuring the mother’s safety. What matters most is that both parents eventually adjust and nurture their child over time.”
She also recommends that couples discuss their expectations of parenting roles well before the birth. “Open dialogue about emotional responses during childbirth can help both partners understand that a brief lapse in attention is not indicative of long-term neglect. It’s crucial to view that moment within the broader spectrum of their relationship and commitment as parents.”
Finally, Dr. Wilson adds, “If one partner feels hurt by the incident, it can be beneficial to seek counseling to process those feelings. Understanding that this moment of distraction was an instinctive reaction to an extraordinary situation can help heal any misunderstandings and foster stronger bonds as a family.”
Here’s the comments of Reddit users:
Overall, the Reddit community overwhelmingly supports the OP’s response, with many commenters affirming that his reaction was understandable
Ultimately, this incident highlights how intense moments of crisis can temporarily shift our focus, even at life’s most important junctures. While some may argue that every second counts, the overwhelming consensus is that a brief lapse during a traumatic event does not define one’s love or commitment as a parent.
What do you think? Is it fair to judge a split-second reaction under extreme stress, or should there be more understanding for the human response during childbirth? Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments below!