AITA for telling my wife’s BIL he can’t speak for every guy with a unisex name or gender bending names?

Names can carry a world of meaning and personal significance—yet for some, a name they deem “unfit” becomes an endless source of frustration. In this story, a soon-to-be father can’t stop ranting about his experience growing up with a unisex name. He insists every man hates having a “girly” or gender-bending moniker, and he’s determined to shield his own child from that supposed misery. But this perspective is far from universal.

Enter the narrator, whose own unisex name never once caused him distress. Rather than commiserate, he dares to challenge the father-to-be’s sweeping generalizations. That’s where the conflict flares. Is it fair to say every man with a unisex name despises it? Does speaking up make you a villain, or does it simply shine a light on the fact that not all experiences—and not all names—are the same?

‘AITA for telling my wife’s BIL he can’t speak for every guy with a unisex name or gender bending names?’

Below is the original post, capturing the tension-filled exchange exactly as it unfolded:

Disagreements over something as personal as names can spark intense debates because they brush against identity and self-perception. Dr. Katherine O’Sullivan, a social psychologist focusing on language and identity, explains that how one feels about a unisex or gender-bending name can depend heavily on personal experiences, cultural background, and self-esteem. “When someone grows up with teasing or negative feedback about their name, they may develop a deep resentment,” she notes. “But not everyone shares that experience or internalizes it the same way.”

The father-to-be in this scenario is projecting his own misery onto all men with unisex names. According to Dr. O’Sullivan, “That’s a classic example of overgeneralization. One person’s discomfort doesn’t prove everyone feels the same.” Indeed, there are countless men who either love their names or feel neutral about them. Many even find that having a unique or flexible name works to their advantage, piquing interest in social or professional settings.

Additionally, the emotional charge in this story highlights what psychologists sometimes refer to as a “confirmation bias.” The father-to-be selectively notices and recalls only negative stories from people who resent their unisex names, while disregarding positive or neutral experiences. “When someone holds a strong belief, they tend to fixate on evidence supporting it,” says Dr. O’Sullivan, “which can shut down open-minded discussions.”

How might families navigate these naming conflicts? Dr. O’Sullivan suggests empathy and genuine curiosity: “Instead of ranting, it’s more productive to explore why certain names spark strong feelings. And if a unisex name truly feels wrong for someone, that’s valid—just as it’s valid for someone else to love the same name.” Ultimately, the challenge lies in respecting that each person’s story is unique, rather than assuming there’s a universal truth tied to any given name.

 

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

Reddit users were quick to weigh in on the father’s rants and the narrator’s choice to speak up:

Many applaud the narrator for calmly highlighting a different viewpoint, pointing out the irony that the father-to-be complains about “forced opinions” while frequently forcing his own. Others question why he hasn’t simply changed his name if it causes such bitterness.

When it comes to naming, personal preference often runs deep—what feels like an unlucky label to one person can be an endearing or empowering choice for another. At the heart of this conflict is the reminder that individual experiences are rarely universal truths. Have you ever grappled with a name you didn’t like or had someone insist your perspective must match theirs? Feel free to share your stories. Who knows—maybe your experience will resonate with someone who’s convinced they’re the only one facing name-based woes.