AITA for saying it’s a little embarrassing that a girl’s nanny puts little notes in her lunch
High school can be tough, especially for new students trying to fit in. Some people stand out because they’re loud and outgoing, while others keep to themselves, quietly finding comfort in small things. But what happens when someone’s little source of happiness gets ridiculed in front of their peers?
That’s exactly what happened when a group invited a quiet new girl to sit with them at lunch—only for one of them to mock her for a habit that brought her joy. Now, the new girl has disappeared back to eating alone in her car, and the friend group is divided. Was this just harmless teasing, or was it straight-up bullying?
‘AITA for saying it’s a little embarrassing that a girl’s nanny puts little notes in her lunch’
Expert Analysis:
Why Small Gestures Matter—Especially for Someone With a Difficult Past
For many people, small tokens of affection—like notes in a lunchbox—carry deep emotional value. Dr. Gary Chapman, author of The Five Love Languages, explains that “words of affirmation” are one of the key ways people experience love and connection. Something as simple as a handwritten note can make someone feel valued and supported.
In this case, OP didn’t just comment on the notes—she made the new girl feel embarrassed about something that brought her comfort. Given that her friend later revealed she had a difficult home life before moving, it’s possible that these notes were one of the first consistent signs of care she had ever received.
Teasing vs. Bullying: Where’s the Line?
Many people brush off remarks like OP’s as just a joke, but research shows that even minor teasing can have a significant impact. According to the American Psychological Association, “peer rejection and social ridicule can lead to long-term anxiety, low self-esteem, and withdrawal from social situations.”
The key difference between casual teasing and bullying is intent. If the person on the receiving end feels humiliated, excluded, or ashamed, then the joke has crossed the line. The fact that Nicole stopped sitting with the group and returned to isolating herself shows that OP’s words had a real impact.
Why Do People Mock Others for Harmless Things?
Psychologists suggest that people often tease others to feel socially superior or to fit in with a group. A study published in Psychological Science found that teenagers are more likely to engage in “put-down humor” when they feel insecure about their own social standing.
OP may not have intended to be cruel, but her comment reinforced a mean girl dynamic—mocking something innocent just to feel more aligned with her peers.
Here’s what Redditors had to say about OP’s situation:
The consensus? OP was being a bully, whether she realized it or not. Many pointed out that small joys, like lunch notes, are valuable at any age. Others emphasized how isolating high school can be and that OP should have been more compassionate.
We all have little things that bring us comfort—whether it’s a lucky charm, a favorite hoodie, or, in this case, a note in a lunchbox. Mocking someone for harmless joy doesn’t just hurt them—it says a lot about the person doing the teasing.
What do you think? Should OP try to make things right, or is it too late? Let us know in the comments!