AITA for walking out on date night after my BF got me a bikini instead of a purse?
There’s something truly telling about the way someone treats gift-giving in a relationship. Is it about making the other person feel special, or is it just a way to serve their own desires? A well-thought-out present shows attentiveness and appreciation, while a thoughtless one—or worse, a self-serving one—can reveal cracks in the foundation of a relationship.
That’s exactly what happened to OP. During a date night at the mall, she came across a purse she adored, but her boyfriend immediately dismissed it as “too expensive.” Later that evening, he surprised her with a bikini that cost even more—despite the fact that she has never worn one before. When she didn’t react with gratitude, he called her a spoiled brat. But is she really the one being unreasonable? Read on to find out.
‘AITA for walking out on date night after my BF got me a bikini instead of a purse?’
Expert Analysis
This situation highlights two major issues: double standards in financial priorities and whether the “gift” was actually meant for OP at all.
1. Double Standards in Financial Priorities
The core issue is that Seth dismissed something OP genuinely wanted, citing the price, but had no problem spending even more on something he wanted her to have. This kind of behavior can indicate financial control, where one partner dictates what is “worth spending on” while still indulging their own preferences.
According to Dr. Carla Marie Manly, a clinical psychologist specializing in relationships, financial double standards in relationships can be a red flag. “When one partner prioritizes their own spending while dismissing the other’s desires, it can signal an imbalance of power or a lack of mutual respect in financial decision-making.”
2. The Gift Wasn’t Really for OP
A meaningful gift reflects the recipient’s personality, preferences, and interests. OP had never worn a bikini before, yet Seth saw it and thought, “This is so you!” That suggests he was buying something for himself—or rather, for the version of OP that he wished existed.
Dr. Gary Chapman, author of The 5 Love Languages, emphasizes that gift-giving is about showing love in a way that the recipient values, not in a way that benefits the giver. If Seth had been paying attention, he would have chosen the purse—because that’s what OP actually liked.
Key Takeaways for Healthy Relationships
- Respect your partner’s preferences. If someone expresses excitement over something, don’t shut it down while prioritizing what you want instead.
- Gift-giving should be selfless. A present should make the recipient feel valued, not just cater to the giver’s fantasy.
- Watch for financial double standards. If one partner always gets to decide what is “worth it,” it can be a sign of control or disregard for the other person’s feelings.
Here’s what Redditors had to say:
OP wasn’t upset about not getting the purse—she was upset about what the situation revealed. Seth’s actions showed that his desires took priority over hers, and instead of acknowledging that, he resorted to name-calling. Relationships thrive on mutual respect, and if one partner consistently dismisses the other’s wants while indulging their own, that’s a serious red flag.
What do you think? Was OP justified in leaving the dinner, or should she have handled it differently? Let us know your thoughts below!