AITA for refusing to wake my boyfriend up in the morning, which made him almost lose his job?

Mornings in any relationship can be a bit rough, especially when one partner struggles to rise and shine. For one 25‑year‑old woman, her boyfriend’s chronic difficulty waking up—thanks to his ADHD—has turned routine mornings into battlegrounds.

Despite his repeated tardiness, which even cost him a final warning at work, he expects his girlfriend to play the role of a personal alarm clock. This expectation has led to mounting frustration, as she finds herself caught between guilt for not helping and anger at being burdened with a problem he should solve on his own.

The situation reaches a tipping point when, despite her best efforts to wake him up every time his alarms go off, he simply goes back to sleep. This leaves her wondering if her refusal to consistently act as his wake-up call is justified. Is it really her responsibility to ensure he’s up on time, or should he, as an adult aware of his ADHD, develop his own solutions?

‘AITA for refusing to wake my boyfriend up in the morning, which made him almost lose his job?’

Effective self-management is key for anyone dealing with ADHD, and waking up on time is a common challenge. Dr. Lisa Monroe, a psychologist specializing in ADHD, explains, “Adults with ADHD often struggle with executive functioning tasks, such as getting up in the morning. However, it’s important for them to adopt practical strategies—like using specialized alarm clocks or establishing consistent routines—to overcome these challenges.”

According to Dr. Monroe, while occasional help from a partner is understandable, the responsibility ultimately lies with the individual. “Relying on a partner to continuously wake you up not only shifts the burden unfairly but can also undermine personal growth and accountability,” she adds. Dr. Monroe recommends that couples work together to explore ADHD-friendly solutions, such as placing alarms across the room or using apps that require solving puzzles to turn them off.

“These tools empower individuals to take charge of their routines rather than outsourcing their responsibilities,” she emphasizes. In this case, the girlfriend’s frustration stems not from a lack of willingness to help, but from the repeated pattern of her boyfriend returning to sleep despite her efforts. Experts agree that while a supportive partner can offer occasional assistance,

consistent self-management is crucial for long-term success, particularly in maintaining employment and personal dignity. In essence, the emphasis should be on finding sustainable solutions that allow both partners to thrive without one feeling like a caretaker for tasks the other should handle independently.

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

The Reddit community overwhelmingly supports the view that it’s not the girlfriend’s duty to wake him up. Many commenters argue that as an adult, he should take responsibility for his own challenges, especially when he’s known about his ADHD all his life.

Users emphasize that expecting his partner to serve as his personal alarm clock shifts undue burden and reinforces an unhealthy dynamic. They recommend exploring practical tools and establishing routines instead of relying on her intervention. Overall, the consensus is that while occasional help is acceptable, the responsibility for managing one’s sleep habits should ultimately rest on him.

This story raises an important question: in a relationship, where should the line be drawn between support and personal responsibility? While it’s clear that occasional assistance is part of any partnership, should one partner consistently bear the burden of another’s challenges?

How can couples strike a balance between caring support and fostering independence, especially when ADHD is involved? Share your thoughts and experiences—what would you do if you found yourself in a similar situation? Let’s discuss how to create a more equitable approach to managing everyday challenges.