AITA for telling my wife it is time she went back to work?

Marriage is about partnership, but what happens when one person carries all the weight? OP (37M) has been working 84-hour weeks since his wife (36F) had a mental breakdown in 2018 and quit her job as a teacher. While he initially supported her recovery, five years later, she still refuses to work, claiming her therapist says she’s not ready.

OP has tried marriage counseling, but every suggestion he’s made—downsizing, part-time work, or even learning to cook to ease their financial burden—has been shot down. When he brought up the issue again, his wife accused him of manipulating her, and he finally lost it. He called out how he’s been working himself into the ground while she makes no effort to contribute.

His wife stormed out crying, calling him selfish for prioritizing his own well-being over her recovery. Now, OP is questioning himself—was he too harsh, or has he simply reached his breaking point?

‘AITA for telling my wife it is time she went back to work?’

Expert Opinion:

Mental Health vs. Taking Advantage

According to clinical psychologist Dr. Ramani Durvasula, mental health struggles don’t excuse long-term avoidance of responsibilities. While temporary recovery time is necessary, a five-year absence from all responsibilities—including work, household tasks, and financial contribution—suggests dependency, not healing.

Burnout & the Cost of Carrying Everything Alone

Research from The World Health Organization shows that long-term overwork (working over 55 hours per week) increases the risk of heart disease, stroke, and mental health disorders. OP’s 84-hour weeks are unsustainable, and if he collapses, they will both suffer.

OP isn’t wrong for wanting his wife to take some responsibility—but is it too late for their marriage to recover?

Solutions & Next Steps for OP

Demand a Joint Therapy Session: OP should request a session with his wife’s therapist to discuss how his exhaustion is just as serious as her recovery.
Set Hard Boundaries: If his wife refuses to contribute, OP must decide if he’s willing to stay in a one-sided marriage or consult a lawyer about his options.
Give an Ultimatum (Without Threats): OP can calmly explain: “I love you, but I can’t keep working myself to death while you refuse to contribute. We need a plan, or I need to step away.”
Seek Legal & Financial Advice: OP’s financial stability and mental health are at risk—he should consult a financial planner and divorce lawyer to assess his next steps.