AITA for telling my husband to get over himself when he started berating me for not picking up his brother’s son from school?

Marriage is about partnership, but what happens when one spouse makes a life-changing decision without consulting the other? OP’s (26F) husband (37M) took in his 12-year-old nephew after his brother was diagnosed with cancer. OP wasn’t consulted, so she made it clear from the start—his nephew, his responsibility.

One afternoon, OP’s husband got stuck at work and asked her to pick up his nephew from school. She refused, citing her lunch with her mom and reminding him of their agreement. Her husband later blew up at her, calling her selfish and unfeeling. OP argues she was just holding him accountable—but did she take it too far?

‘AITA for telling my husband to get over himself when he started berating me for not picking up his brother’s son from school?’

Expert Opinion:

The Problem with “It’s Not My Responsibility”

According to family therapist Dr. Diane Barth, partnership in marriage means supporting each other, even when it’s inconvenient. While OP had every right to be upset about not being consulted, refusing a simple school pickup during an emergency shows a lack of empathy—not just toward her husband, but toward a grieving child.

The Emotional Toll on a Child in Crisis

Dr. Bruce Perry, a trauma specialist, explains that children dealing with a parent’s serious illness need stability and emotional support. Being shuffled to a new home is already hard enough—feeling unwanted or like a burden can make it even worse.

By refusing to help, OP unintentionally sent the message that her nephew wasn’t welcome. That could have long-term emotional consequences for him.

Solutions & How OP Can Make Things Right

A Serious Talk About Future Decisions: OP’s husband should have asked before taking in his nephew, and they need a conversation about major decisions moving forward.

A Compromise on Responsibilities: While OP doesn’t want to become a full-time caregiver, occasional small acts—like school pickups or helping with meals—can ease the burden on her husband without overstepping her comfort zone.

Supporting the Nephew Without Overcommitting: OP doesn’t have to become a parental figure, but making small gestures of kindness—like including him in meals or acknowledging his struggles—can help him feel secure.

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

OP’s frustration is understandable, but her refusal to help even in a small way made the situation worse. This wasn’t just about a school pickup—it was about showing basic compassion to a child in crisis.

Should OP have stood her ground, or was this the wrong moment to take a stand? Drop your thoughts below!