AITA for leaving my ex to sit and take care of his child and taking a business class upgrade to myself?
When traveling with an ex and their child, family dynamics can quickly become complicated—especially when personal finances and caregiving roles come into play. In this story, a 30‑year‑old woman, after a difficult breakup with her boyfriend “Matt,” ended up taking a business class upgrade for herself on a long-haul flight.
She explains that during their holiday, she spent almost all of her time caring for Matt’s young son, Alex, while Matt enjoyed himself. When a flight attendant offered an upgrade, she claimed it for herself, arguing that she paid for the tickets and did the bulk of the caregiving. Now, her ex, some fellow passengers, and even family members are calling her an asshole for not giving the upgrade to Matt.
‘AITA for leaving my ex to sit and take care of his child and taking a business class upgrade to myself?’
Financial and family relationship experts agree that if you pay for your own ticket and take on significant caregiving responsibilities, it’s entirely reasonable to claim the associated benefits. In this case, the OP purchased the tickets herself and spent nearly the entire trip caring for Alex, while Matt enjoyed his free time. When the flight attendant offered a business class upgrade, the OP asserted that because of her financial investment and extra effort, she deserved the upgrade.
Experts note that this approach is not about being selfish or untrusting; rather, it’s a practical acknowledgment of the value of her time and care. When responsibilities and expenses are not shared equally, it’s only fair to compensate the person who has made a greater personal contribution. By standing up for her own well-being after a taxing trip, the OP is simply protecting her rights and ensuring she is rewarded for the additional workload she shouldered.
Ultimately, experts emphasize that financial decisions in personal relationships should reflect actual contributions. If you fund a service or bear extra responsibilities, it’s both logical and justified to expect the benefits to align with your efforts. This approach helps maintain fairness and supports individual independence within the family context.
Check out how the community responded:
Many community members sympathize with the OP’s situation, arguing that her decision was based on practicality and fairness. Several commenters mention that if she paid for the tickets and spent most of the trip caring for Alex, then claiming the upgrade is entirely justified. Some point out that it’s not about being unkind, but rather about ensuring that her own needs are met after a long, exhausting trip.
On the other hand, a few commenters believe that family matters shouldn’t be handled in a transactional manner, suggesting that perhaps a more collaborative approach might have eased tensions. However, the prevailing sentiment is that her decision, while perhaps brusque, was a reasonable response to an imbalanced caregiving situation.
Ultimately, the OP’s decision to take the business class upgrade for herself is not inherently about mistrust or selfishness—it’s about acknowledging the extra caregiving burden she shouldered during the trip. Given that she funded the trip herself and was responsible for most of the childcare, it’s reasonable to expect that she deserves some added comfort after a strenuous experience.
What do you think? Is it fair to reward extra effort in this context, or should family benefits be shared equally regardless of who pays? Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments below.