AITA for telling my son I have no plans to motivate or support him after he is an adult?

Growing up in a home where every mistake was cushioned can sometimes leave you unprepared for the real world. In this story, a 40-year-old parent recounts the painful journey of watching his oldest son, once sheltered and indulged by his overprotective mother, struggle with the responsibilities of adult life.

His ex-wife’s constant intervention meant that he never had to face consequences—until, after the divorce and a difficult custody battle, the son was left to fend for himself. Now that his child support has ceased and he’s on his own, the son turns to his father for financial help, prompting a tough conversation.

The father explains that after years of his ex providing for him, he’s decided it’s time to let his son face reality. “I’m not going to motivate you or throw money at you anymore,” he declares, insisting that the lack of life skills is a direct result of his overprotective upbringing. Although his son is beginning to see the truth about his future, this candid approach has ignited a bitter dispute with his ex, who is livid that he’s essentially abandoned any support.

‘AITA for telling my son I have no plans to motivate or support him after he is an adult ?’

Dr. John Gottman, a renowned relationship expert, explains, “When parents consistently protect their children from the natural consequences of their actions, it can hinder the development of essential life skills. The shift from sheltering to fostering independence is often one of the most challenging transitions for any family.”

In this situation, the OP’s decision to withdraw financial support is a hard but necessary step toward helping his son learn accountability. By refusing to motivate or support him financially, he’s attempting to break a cycle of overprotection that has long delayed his son’s ability to manage adult responsibilities.

While the approach may seem harsh, it’s based on the principle that real-world challenges build character. Dr. Gottman emphasizes that “clear boundaries, even if painful, are crucial for long-term personal growth and healthy relationships.” Furthermore, family therapists often point out that the balance between support and independence is delicate.

When children are insulated from the natural consequences of their actions, they miss out on the opportunity to develop resilience. In this case, the OP is urging his son to find his own way, learn the value of hard work, and acquire the life skills necessary for a successful future.

Although the emotional fallout is significant—especially as the son begins to understand his mother’s detrimental influence—this tough love may ultimately pave the way for greater self-reliance and maturity. The expert perspective here suggests that while the transition can be rocky, it is a necessary evolution in the parent-child relationship as the child reaches adulthood.

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

Many redditors agreed that the OP’s decision to stop financially supporting his son is a long-overdue measure. Some commented, “If you’re always rescued, you never learn to fly on your own.” Others pointed out that accountability is essential, even if it means tough love.

A few sympathized with the son, feeling that the transition could have been handled with more compassion, but the majority felt that letting him face the consequences of his overprotected upbringing was necessary. The prevailing sentiment is that while the ex-wife might view it as abandoning her child, real independence only comes from learning to take responsibility for one’s own life.

Ultimately, the OP’s decision to stop motivating his son financially isn’t about being unsupportive—it’s about fostering independence and accountability. By drawing a firm line, he’s attempting to break a cycle of overprotection that has hindered his son’s ability to function as an adult. While this tough love approach might sting in the short term, it may be the necessary push for his son to develop crucial life skills.

What would you do if a family member’s overprotection was holding them back? Have you ever had to enforce tough boundaries to encourage independence? Share your thoughts and experiences below—let’s discuss how to balance support with the need for self-reliance in our families.