AITAH for Hiding My Pregnancy From My Husband and My MIL?

Wedding vows often mention for better or for worse, but few anticipate potential strife from a spouse’s overbearing parent. What seems like a sweet, close-knit mother-son bond can transform into a tense three-person relationship—especially when pregnancy enters the picture. Suddenly, what should be an intimate time shared by two becomes a tug-of-war over medical appointments, baby sh***rs, and emotional support. Our story today explores how boundaries can blur when a mother-in-law’s involvement crosses the line from caring to controlling.

The tension reaches new heights after a heartbreaking miscarriage and unexpected second pregnancy. While the protagonist longed for the dream of motherhood, she also faced haunting memories and fears of once again being sidelined by her husband’s mother. Wrestling with decisions about how—and whether—to disclose the pregnancy, she navigates complex feelings of betrayal, loss, and self-preservation.

‘AITAH for Hiding My Pregnancy From My Husband and My MIL?’

“When it comes to marriage, navigating in-law relationships can be especially challenging,” says Dr. John Amodeo, a marriage and family therapist and author of Dancing with Fire: A Mindful Way to Loving Relationships. The conflict often arises because multiple roles—spouse, adult child, and mother—collide, and each person struggles to redefine boundaries. In this story, the key issue is how the husband’s close tie to his mother conflicts with his wife’s emotional needs, particularly during a vulnerable life event like pregnancy.

Some might assume that a mother’s involvement is inherently nurturing, but Dr. Amodeo cautions that overwhelming parental “help” can leave spouses feeling invisible or marginalized. In pregnancy and postpartum settings, it’s vital to ensure the mother’s physical and emotional comfort is prioritized. Grief over a miscarriage can intensify existing conflicts, highlighting every slight or moment of neglect. This environment can make an expectant mother more protective of her journey and wary of outside interference.

Another factor at play is the phenomenon of “enmeshment,” where boundaries between parent and child remain blurred well into adulthood. In cases like these, the spouse of the enmeshed individual may feel perpetually second-place—even during personal milestones. The heartbreak here is palpable: losing a baby and then feeling compelled to conceal a new pregnancy to preserve her peace underscores the severity of unresolved issues.

Dr. Amodeo suggests that professional intervention—individual counseling to process grief and couples counseling to address boundary-setting—can help. A neutral third party can guide both partners toward clearer communication, so they can grieve, celebrate, and parent as a united team. In many instances, the real transformation happens when the enmeshed partner takes a stand, gently but firmly articulating new limits to the parent.

Without this step, patterns will likely repeat. For the woman in this story, finding her voice is crucial—not only for her emotional well-being but also for the long-term health of her marriage. While telling her husband about the pregnancy is inevitable, doing so in a supportive, structured environment can help her feel less alone.

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

Here’s a sampling of what Reddit users had to say:

Some argue that the real challenge lies with the mother-in-law’s overreach and the husband’s inability to set boundaries. Others suggest that the secrecy itself signals deeper marital fractures that need urgent attention—perhaps even before the baby arrives.

Striking harmony between loving parents, a spouse, and a new baby can be trickier than it seems. Balancing emotional needs, healing from loss, and fostering healthy boundaries demands honesty and courage. What do you think—how should this mother proceed? Share your insights, and let’s keep the conversation going.