AITA for telling my ex wife that she was the one who ruined our daughters birthday not our son?

Family events—especially those celebrating a child’s achievements—can be a double-edged sword. On one hand, they’re moments of pride and joy; on the other, they can become flashpoints for old tensions and hurt feelings. In this story, the OP, a father of two, recounts how his ex-wife’s comments at their daughter’s birthday party led to a heated confrontation. His daughter, a high-achieving 20‑year‑old, was being celebrated,

yet his ex-wife’s remark about their 16‑year‑old son’s academic struggles sparked visible distress and even ruined the party’s atmosphere. OP holds his ex responsible for creating a negative environment by comparing the children and insists that if she hadn’t brought up their son, the party would have remained a celebration of their daughter’s success.

‘AITA for telling my ex wife that she was the one who ruined our daughters birthday not our son?’

Dr. Ramani Durvasula, a clinical psychologist, notes, “Family celebrations are delicate situations. When one party makes comparative remarks—especially regarding a child’s performance—it can trigger feelings of inadequacy and resentment. In this instance, while the ex-wife might have been trying to express concern, the delivery was insensitive. It’s important to communicate positive feedback without comparing siblings, as that can lead to lasting emotional damage.”(kidshealth.org)

Family therapist Dr. Susan Johnson adds, “The key issue here is how praise and criticism are delivered in a family setting. By highlighting one child’s success while simultaneously disparaging the other, even unintentionally, you risk alienating one child and damaging the celebratory atmosphere. Although OP’s approach was confrontational, his frustration with the negative impact on the party is understandable.”(kidshealth.org)

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

Many redditors agree that sensitive topics like academic achievements should be handled delicately, especially when comparing siblings. “Even if it’s meant as tough love, a public comment like that can hurt deeply,” one user commented.

In summary, OP’s frustration stems from a genuine concern: his ex-wife’s public remarks about their son not only upset him but also disrupted what should have been a joyful celebration of their daughter’s success. While his warning to publicly call her out might have been extreme, his underlying point—that such comparisons should not be made at a family event—is valid.

The question remains: is it ever acceptable to use public humiliation as a corrective measure in family settings? Do you think a more private conversation would have sufficed, or was OP’s strong reaction justified in protecting his children’s feelings? Share your thoughts in the comments below—what would you have done in this situation?