AITA for not telling my (ex)wife that we lived in a rental apartment?

In relationships, honesty about practical details can sometimes be overlooked, but those details may later spark conflict—especially when expectations turn out to be far different from reality. In this case, our OP recounts a complicated scenario: after a long-term relationship that ended in divorce, his ex-wife discovered that the apartment they shared wasn’t owned by him at all but was merely a rental.

OP explains that from his early adulthood, he’s been living in a 2‑bedroom apartment that he rented at a very good price, and he never felt the need to disclose its rental status. For him, the apartment was “his place,” and the fact that it wasn’t owned by him never came up in conversation.

However, after the divorce, his ex-wife discovered a real estate valuation document and assumed that because she believed he had lied about owning the apartment, she was now entitled to half of its value. This revelation sparked an argument and has left family and friends debating whether OP was being dishonest or if the omission was harmless.

‘AITA for not telling my (ex)wife that we lived in a rental apartment?’

Dr. Ramani Durvasula, a clinical psychologist known for her work on honesty in relationships, states, “While it is generally important to be transparent with your partner, not every practical detail needs to be highlighted if it doesn’t affect the relationship directly. However, when it comes to significant financial matters, the omission of key details—like property ownership versus renting—can understandably lead to feelings of betrayal once discovered.”(kidshealth.org)

Family therapist Dr. Susan Johnson adds, “In many relationships, people assume that what is presented as ‘home’ means ownership, even if that’s not the case. If one party later discovers the truth, it’s natural to feel misled, even if the omission was not intended to deceive. That said, the responsibility for discussing major financial or living arrangements ideally should be mutual. While OP did not lie outright, his failure to clarify this detail has certainly contributed to the conflict post-divorce.”(kidshealth.org)

Both experts suggest that although OP’s intent may not have been to deceive, the lack of disclosure about such a significant detail led to misunderstandings and hurt feelings.

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

Many redditors point out that while it might seem like a minor detail to some, for many, owning a home carries symbolic and financial weight. “It’s not about the money—it’s about feeling secure and not being misled about one’s future,” one commenter noted.

Ultimately, while OP did not intentionally lie about the status of his apartment, his failure to mention that it was a rental has understandably led to a conflict with his ex-wife, who feels misled about the financial foundation of their life together. In matters of financial disclosure, especially in relationships, even small omissions can have big repercussions later on.

Do you think OP should have been more forthcoming about the rental status, or is it acceptable to assume that “my place” is understood as a home regardless of ownership? Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments below—what would you have done in this situation?