AITA for ‘inserting myself’ into someone else’s dinner situation?
Intervening in public, even with the best intentions, can sometimes backfire. In this post, our OP—a 34-year-old woman—shares how she “inserted herself” into a dinner situation at a restaurant, leading to a heated public confrontation. While dining with her boyfriend and two other couples, she noticed a new parent couple at a nearby table. The mother of that couple’s baby, clearly struggling to manage a fussy infant and left without any help, had been the target of indifferent behavior by the surrounding adults.
Drawing on her own past experiences as a new parent, OP felt compelled to intervene. However, when the baby’s father rudely dismissed her offer of assistance by telling the mother to “go to the bathroom” if she found breastfeeding disgusting, OP lost her cool. In a moment of frustration, she stormed over and publicly admonished him,
even going as far as suggesting he take his sandwich to the toilet if he was so appalled by her actions. Now, while she regrets the scene she caused, her boyfriend and some onlookers believe she overstepped. OP now wonders: Am I the asshole for yelling at strangers and inserting myself into someone else’s dinner situation?
‘AITA for ‘inserting myself’ into someone else’s dinner situation?’
Dr. Ramani Durvasula, a clinical psychologist specializing in interpersonal boundaries, notes, “It’s completely natural to feel compelled to help when you see someone struggling, particularly if you’ve experienced similar hardships. However, the manner in which you intervene can either de-escalate the situation or make it worse. A public confrontation, especially one that involves personal insults, can often lead to feelings of humiliation rather than support.” (kidshealth.org)
Family therapist Dr. Susan Johnson adds, “In situations involving parental stress, particularly around something as sensitive as feeding a fussy baby, a private conversation is often more productive. While OP’s intentions were to support the struggling parent, her decision to confront the father in a public setting may have amplified the tension. It’s important to balance compassion with tact.
If you feel compelled to speak up, consider first whether a quieter, more respectful approach might achieve the same outcome without causing embarrassment.” Both experts agree that while the emotional reaction is understandable, public interventions can sometimes cause more harm than good by intensifying conflict and leaving all parties feeling attacked.
Check out how the community responded:
Many redditors empathize with OP’s frustration, noting that if you’ve experienced feeling abandoned as a parent, it’s natural to want to intervene when you see someone else struggling. “I get it—you want to help, but timing and approach are everything,” one commenter wrote.
Ultimately, OP’s decision to intervene came from a place of genuine concern and past personal trauma. However, the public nature of her outburst—yelling at strangers and making pointed remarks—has sparked debate about whether her actions were justified. While many understand the impulse to help, others feel that a more tactful, private approach might have been less disruptive.
What do you think? Is it acceptable to “insert yourself” into someone else’s parenting situation when you see a clear need, or should such concerns be addressed more discreetly? Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments below—what would you do if you found yourself in a similar situation?