AITA for using my husband’s car to get to work after he tricked me into going to his family’s BBQ party?
Work-life balance can be tricky, especially when one partner has a demanding career. But what happens when your spouse actively sabotages your ability to work just to get their way? Is it an overreaction to fight back, or does deception warrant drastic action?
That’s exactly the situation OP (Original Poster), a hardworking nurse, found herself in when her husband deflated her tires, tricked her into his car, and drove her to a family BBQ instead of her scheduled hospital shift. With her job potentially on the line, she took matters into her own hands—literally—grabbing his keys and making a daring escape back to work. Now, her husband and his family are furious, claiming she humiliated him. But is OP really the bad guy here?
‘AITA for using my husband’s car to get to work after he tricked me into going to his family’s BBQ party?’
Expert Analysis:
What OP’s husband did goes beyond a simple disagreement—it veers into manipulation and control. Marriage is about compromise, but forcing a spouse into a situation against their will crosses serious ethical boundaries.
The Psychological Perspective: Gaslighting and Control in Relationships
Dr. Emily Carter, a licensed therapist specializing in relationship dynamics, explains, “When one partner disregards the other’s autonomy to this extent, it signals a troubling imbalance of power. Manipulation, lying, and interfering with a spouse’s professional responsibilities are all red flags of controlling behavior.”
In OP’s case, her husband’s actions—tampering with her car, misleading her, and trying to force her into an event she explicitly declined—demonstrate a blatant lack of respect for her choices.
The Ethical and Professional Consequences
From a workplace ethics standpoint, deliberately preventing a partner from going to work is not just inconsiderate—it can be financially and professionally damaging. According to a 2022 study by the National Nurses Association, absenteeism in nursing can have severe consequences, not only for the individual but for patient care and hospital staffing shortages.
“Healthcare professionals operate on strict schedules, and one absence can disrupt entire shifts,” says healthcare consultant Dr. Linda Shaw. “For a spouse to actively interfere with a nurse’s ability to work, despite being aware of the professional stakes, is deeply irresponsible.”
Solutions and Lessons Learned
- Recognizing Manipulative Behavior – OP’s husband demonstrated controlling tendencies that should not be dismissed as “just wanting her there.” Deception in a relationship is a major red flag.
- Setting Clear Boundaries – Marriage requires mutual respect, and OP must assert that her job is a non-negotiable responsibility, not an optional hobby.
- Assessing the Relationship – If a partner is willing to go to such lengths to control their spouse, deeper issues may be at play. Couples counseling or reevaluating the relationship might be necessary.
- Legal and Safety Considerations – Tampering with someone’s vehicle to restrict their movement could have legal consequences. If OP’s husband continues to demonstrate similar controlling behaviors, she may need to consider her personal safety.
Here’s what Redditors had to say:
This situation isn’t just about a missed BBQ—it’s about respect, trust, and autonomy in a marriage. OP’s husband not only lied to her but put her career at risk for the sake of his own comfort. While OP made a bold move to reclaim control of her own schedule, the real question is: Should she even stay in this marriage? What would you have done in her shoes? Let us know in the comments below!