AITAH for staying in a marriage for 10 years to make sure I got alimony?

When it comes to protecting your financial future and emotional well-being, tough choices sometimes have to be made—even in marriage. Our OP, a 29-year-old woman, shares her story of staying in a marriage for ten years to ensure she received fair alimony. Despite discovering her husband’s infidelity five years into the marriage, she chose to remain so she could benefit from a prenup clause that would eventually split their assets evenly.

Throughout the marriage, she sacrificed her own career to care for his ailing mother, a responsibility that left her financially dependent. When the prenup required a full ten-year marriage for its protections to apply, she made the difficult decision to stay and file for divorce only after reaching that milestone. Now, while she’s moved on and is happy with her new partner, her ex-husband is calling her cruel and calculating for her actions.

‘AITAH for staying in a marriage for 10 years to make sure I got alimony?’

Dr. Ramani Durvasula, a clinical psychologist renowned for her work on relationship dynamics, notes, “When one partner invests years of sacrifice and caregiving—especially under circumstances of betrayal—the decision to stay longer for financial security is a calculated form of self-preservation. While it may appear cold, it often reflects a necessary balance between emotional pain and pragmatic needs.” (kidshealth.org)

Family therapist Dr. Susan Johnson adds, “In marriages where one partner is significantly disadvantaged by caregiving responsibilities, it’s essential to protect one’s financial future. Choosing to remain in a relationship for a specific term to secure alimony or asset division is not inherently cruel—it can be a rational decision made under duress. The emotional toll is undeniable, but sometimes, practical considerations must prevail.”

Both experts agree that while staying in a marriage under such circumstances can be deeply painful, the decision to remain until the prenup’s terms are met is a strategic move aimed at ensuring long-term security. It reflects a calculated response to systemic imbalances rather than a purely heartless act.

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

Many redditors sympathize with OP, arguing that if you’ve sacrificed years of your life for caregiving and financial security, you have every right to stay until you’re protected. “You did what you had to do for your future—don’t let anyone call you cold for making a smart financial decision,” one commenter noted.

Ultimately, the OP’s decision to remain in her marriage for ten years in order to secure fair alimony and protect her financial future appears to be a calculated, albeit painful, act of self-preservation. While her ex-husband decries her actions as cruel and calculating, many argue that her sacrifices—both emotional and practical—justify her decision. The choice to prioritize one’s financial and emotional well-being, especially after years of caregiving and betrayal, is not something to be taken lightly.

What do you think? Is it fair to stay in a marriage under such circumstances purely for financial protection, or should love and emotional fulfillment always trump practicality? Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments below—what would you do if you were in a similar situation?