AITA for using my husband’s money to pay for my daughter’s Apple IPhone that he broke?
Parenting is about encouragement and rewards, but what happens when one parent’s act of kindness is met with anger and destruction? OP worked hard to surprise her 16-year-old daughter with a brand-new iPhone, only for her husband to break it out of spite. His reasoning? He believed the phone was a distraction, and when their daughter ignored his request once, he used that as an excuse to smash her property.
When OP demanded he pay for a replacement, he refused—so she took matters into her own hands and used his inheritance money to buy a new phone. Now, he’s furious, his mother is calling OP a thief, and OP is wondering if she went too far. Did she handle this the right way, or is her husband justified in being upset?
‘AITA for using my husband’s money to pay for my daughter’s Apple IPhone that he broke?’
Expert Analysis:
Breaking a Child’s Property: A Form of Control?
Deliberately destroying a child’s belongings is not just about teaching a lesson—it’s about exerting control and power. According to Dr. Laura Markham, a clinical psychologist, “Parents who break or confiscate a child’s belongings out of frustration are not teaching responsibility; they are teaching fear. This approach damages trust and can escalate into more serious conflicts.”
By shattering the phone, OP’s husband sent a message that his emotions come before their daughter’s well-being. Instead of addressing the issue calmly and constructively, he lashed out, which raises concerns about how he handles conflict in general.
Was OP Wrong for Taking His Money?
The financial aspect of this situation also sparks debate. OP had been skipping meals to afford the phone, while her husband—who wasn’t working—refused to contribute. When he broke the phone, she saw it as his responsibility to fix the damage he caused.
According to financial expert Suze Orman, “When a spouse deliberately wastes money or damages property, it becomes their responsibility to make it right. Marriage is a partnership, not a dictatorship.”
By taking the money, OP forced accountability, but some might argue that it crossed a boundary—especially since it was his inheritance. The real issue, however, is why he believed he could destroy property without consequence.
How Could OP Have Handled It Differently?
If OP wants to avoid further conflict while still protecting her daughter, she could consider:
- Seeking legal financial protection – If her husband refuses to contribute while controlling family spending, OP should ensure access to joint funds for household needs.
- Establishing clear boundaries – If he continues to punish their daughter unfairly, OP needs to step in and make it clear that destruction of property is not acceptable discipline.
- Considering counseling or legal action – If his behavior escalates, OP should explore counseling or even separation to protect herself and her daughter.
Here’s the comments of Redditors:
Reddit’s response was overwhelmingly in OP’s favor, but with a few differing opinions. Most agreed OP’s husband was abusive, and breaking the phone was a massive red flag. Some even suggested OP consider divorce for the sake of her daughter’s well-being.
A few were concerned about OP taking the money, arguing that while she deserved repayment, using his account without permission might cause more legal and trust issues in the future.
