AITAH for taking in a family member’s white child?
Family bonds can be complex, especially when unresolved past wounds and differing experiences of love resurface over issues of identity and inheritance. In this case, our OP—a 47‑year‑old woman—shares her struggle after taking in her one-year‑old niece, Jane, following the death of her estranged white half-sister. With her husband and children all on board, OP felt it was only right to welcome the baby into the family.
However, her own daughter (28F) has taken issue with the decision. Citing concerns over racial representation and feeling that the family’s attention is now skewed, her daughter has voiced resentment, claiming that caring for a white child undermines her own self‑image and even her sense of familial worth. This emotional conflict has spilled over into heated arguments about family priorities, leaving OP questioning whether she’s in the wrong for embracing Jane as family.
‘AITAH for taking in a family member’s white child?’
Dr. Ramani Durvasula, a clinical psychologist specializing in family dynamics and trauma, explains, “When family members harbor unresolved emotional pain from their own upbringing, they can project those feelings onto new relationships or family members—even if the child in question is entirely innocent. The key is to separate the individual’s issues from the child’s identity, which is not something to be penalized for.” (kidshealth.org) Family therapist Dr. Susan Johnson adds,
“In blended family situations, especially those involving significant racial or cultural differences, communication and healing are paramount. The act of taking in a child in need is an expression of love and responsibility. However, if one family member uses this as a platform to revisit past wounds, it’s important for the entire family to seek counseling. Setting clear boundaries and addressing the underlying issues through professional help can prevent the resentment from infecting relationships.”
Both experts agree that while the daughter’s feelings may be valid and deserve attention, they should be dealt with in a constructive manner that does not compromise the well-being of an innocent child. The decision to welcome Jane into the family is an act of compassion and should not be dismissed due to unresolved emotional baggage from the past.
Check out how the community responded:
Many redditors empathize with OP, stating that if you have the heart and resources to care for a child in need, you’re doing the right thing—regardless of bloodlines or cultural differences. “Jane is innocent, and loving her shouldn’t come with strings attached,” one commenter wrote.
Ultimately, the OP’s decision to take in her niece Jane appears to be an act of compassion and responsibility. While her daughter’s reaction stems from unresolved personal pain and issues of identity, Jane is an innocent child who simply needs a loving home. The OP’s choice is not about favoring one branch of the family over another—it’s about stepping up to help someone in need, regardless of race.
What do you think? Is it fair to maintain boundaries for one’s own healing while still embracing a vulnerable child in need? How should families navigate unresolved emotional wounds without impacting innocent members? Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments below—what would you do if you were in a similar situation?