AITA for telling my daughter it's her fault she has no pictures of herself?

A mother of five recently found herself in the middle of a family dispute when her 26-year-old daughter, Clem, became upset upon discovering that her childhood photo album was nearly empty.

The catch? Clem spent most of her childhood refusing to be photographed, covering her face, making silly gestures, or outright declining to participate in pictures. Now, as a soon-to-be mother herself, Clem seems to regret her past choices—but is it fair to blame her mother for the lack of photos?

‘AITA for telling my daughter it’s her fault she has no pictures of herself?’

Expert Analysis:

Childhood Defiance Meets Adult Regret

Many kids go through phases of disliking photos, but most parents insist on taking at least a few for memories. Clem, however, was given the freedom to opt out—something she likely appreciated as a child but now resents as an adult.

Psychologist Dr. Laura Simmons explains: “Children often reject things in the moment without understanding the long-term consequences. As adults, they may look back and regret their decisions—but it’s unfair to blame others for choices they made, especially when those choices were repeatedly reinforced.”

Clem is experiencing what many people do when they look back on lost opportunities—but rather than accepting her role, she is misdirecting blame onto her mother.

The Role of the Parent: Was OP Wrong?

Some might argue that a parent’s role includes preserving memories, even when a child resists. But forcing a child to participate in something they strongly object to can backfire, creating resentment rather than cherished memories.

Parenting expert Samantha Howell notes: “Encouraging participation without coercion is key. If a child consistently refuses, a parent must balance respecting their autonomy with ensuring some memories are captured.”

Could OP have snapped more candid shots or kept even the ‘goofy’ ones? Sure. But she ultimately respected Clem’s choices, which should not be held against her now.

How Parenthood Changes Perspective

Now that Clem is expecting a child of her own, she may be reassessing her childhood through a new lens. Parents often want to document every moment of their child’s life, and Clem may now realize the emotional value of these records—something she rejected for herself.

This does not make OP an AH, but it does explain Clem’s emotional reaction. Instead of blaming OP, Clem could use this as a lesson when raising her own child.

Proposed Solutions:

Give Clem the Old Photos: Since OP still has digital copies, printing them allows Clem to decide if she wants to keep them.
Acknowledge Clem’s Feelings Without Taking Blame: Validate her emotions with a statement like, “I understand you’re upset, but we always respected your choice at the time.”
Use This as a Parenting Lesson: Encourage Clem to capture her own child’s milestones, even if they resist, so she doesn’t regret missing those memories.
Consider Family Counseling If Needed: If Clem’s resentment lingers, therapy can help her process her emotions and strengthen the relationship.

Here’s what Redditors had to say about the situation:

The majority of commenters sided with OP, pointing out that Clem made her own choices, and now she must face the consequences. OP respected her daughter’s autonomy, which is better than forcing her into unwanted photos.