AITA for not taking my husband to my brother in law's funeral after he went against my sister's wishes?

When tragedy strikes, emotions run high, and every action carries weight—especially when children are involved. One woman’s simple request to her husband turned into a devastating moment for her grieving sister and her two young kids.

After her brother-in-law passed away, she had to rush to comfort her newly widowed sister. She explicitly told her husband not to break the news to the kids until their mother could tell them in her own way. He ignored her. The kids were devastated, their mother furious, and now the woman is facing a difficult choice—should she keep her husband away from the funeral?

Was this an honest mistake, or did he show a total lack of empathy?

‘AITA for not taking my husband to my brother in law’s funeral after he went against my sister’s wishes?’

Expert Opinion:

Breaking Tragic News to Children: The Right Approach

Psychologists emphasize that how children receive devastating news can shape their emotional well-being for years. According to Dr. David Schonfeld, director of the National Center for School Crisis and Bereavement, delivering bad news should be done with care, patience, and in a way that allows children to process emotions at their own pace.

Young children need reassurance that they are safe and supported.
It’s crucial that a trusted caregiver—like a parent—delivers the news to provide comfort.
Abruptly revealing a death without preparation can cause long-term trauma, leading to issues like anxiety and emotional detachment.

In this case, the children’s mother wanted to be the one to tell them. By ignoring her wishes, the husband robbed the kids of a more gentle, controlled moment—one where they could have been comforted properly.

Does “I Couldn’t Help Myself” Justify the Damage?

Grief affects everyone differently, but accountability matters. Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, a pioneer in the study of grief, explains that when people dismiss the consequences of their actions in high-stress situations, they often avoid true accountability.

The husband didn’t just “slip up”—he actively chose to ignore clear instructions because he felt it was “better” for the kids. His excuse that “it just happened” dismisses the pain and trauma he caused.

How to Move Forward: Steps for Family Healing

1. Respect the Widow’s Wishes, No Matter What

Right now, the priority must be the grieving family. The funeral is for them, not for the husband to make amends. If the widow doesn’t want him there, he must accept it and step back.

2. Address the Husband’s Lack of Boundaries

This isn’t just about a mistake—it’s about blatant disregard for someone else’s pain. The wife may need to have a serious conversation about:

Why he felt entitled to make that decision.
Whether he understands the damage he caused.
How he can work toward making amends in the future—without demanding immediate forgiveness.

3. Therapy for Everyone Involved

The children may benefit from grief counseling to process their loss.
The widow should be supported without pressure to forgive.
The husband needs to reflect on why he crossed a major boundary and whether he is willing to take responsibility rather than just seek forgiveness.