AITA for pretending I don’t have money so my family won’t bother me?
Money and family rarely mix well, and when one side is financially responsible while the other struggles with money management, tensions are bound to arise.
One Redditor found himself in a difficult situation after he and his wife retired early with $4 million in savings. His parents and brother, who have a history of reckless spending, recently discovered his financial situation—and they are not happy. Accusing him of lying and hiding his wealth, they’re likely gearing up to ask for money. But OP isn’t sure: Am I wrong for pretending to be broke to avoid giving them money?
‘AITA for pretending I don’t have money so my family won’t bother me?’
Expert Opinion:
Why OP Is Not Obligated to Help
According to financial expert and bestselling author Ramit Sethi, setting clear financial boundaries with family members is essential, especially when dealing with chronic mismanagement of money.
“It’s one thing to help family members who have fallen on hard times due to circumstances beyond their control. It’s another to continually bail out those who refuse to take responsibility for their own finances.”
OP’s family has repeatedly mismanaged their income, failing to save despite working lucrative jobs in oil and gas. Now, in their later years, they expect OP to step in and fix the consequences of their poor financial choices.
Why OP’s Deception Was a Smart Move
Financial psychologist Dr. Brad Klontz explains that financial enmeshment—where family members feel entitled to each other’s money—is toxic. He notes:
“Many families expect financial handouts as a given, rather than seeing money as something that must be earned. This often leads to long-term resentment on both sides.”
By pretending to be broke, OP avoided the cycle of guilt-tripping and pressure that financially irresponsible family members often place on wealthier relatives. Unfortunately, now that the truth is out, OP will need to set firm boundaries.
A Healthy Approach to Managing Family Financial Expectations
Experts recommend the following steps when dealing with family who expect financial support:
- Be Honest, But Firm: OP can say, “We planned our finances carefully so we can retire. That doesn’t mean we have money to give away.”
- Redirect the Conversation: Offer financial guidance instead of money: “I can help you create a budget, but I can’t lend you money.”
- Maintain Clear Boundaries: If they keep asking, a hard no is the only option: “We are not in a position to give financial support.”
- Avoid Explaining Too Much: OP does not need to justify his wealth or retirement choices.
Here’s What Reddit Had to Say:
Redditors overwhelmingly sided with OP, arguing that no one is obligated to bail out financially irresponsible relatives. Many suggested OP continue to set firm boundaries, while others recommended playing along and pretending to be in debt to avoid being targeted.
What do you think? Should OP offer some financial support, or is he right to protect his savings and let his family face the consequences of their actions? Let us know in the comments!