AITA for telling my son's mom she can have him for Xmas if she pays for a summer vacation?

The holiday season is all about family, love, and making special memories—especially when children are involved. But what happens when divorced parents struggle over holiday custody? Is it fair for one parent to negotiate terms, or does that cross the line into treating a child like a transaction?

That’s the situation one Redditor found himself in when his ex-wife asked for extra holiday time with their son for a last-minute skiing trip. Instead of immediately agreeing or declining, he proposed a financial exchange—suggesting that his ex pay him upfront for a future summer vacation. His ex was outraged, and now he’s wondering: Am I the bad guy here?

‘AITA for telling my son’s mom she can have him for Xmas if she pays for a summer vacation?’

Expert Opinion:

The Emotional Toll of Custody Disputes

Divorced parents often face difficult decisions regarding custody arrangements, especially during special occasions. According to The American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers, disputes over holiday custody are among the most contentious post-divorce conflicts.

Dr. Jennifer Harman, a psychologist specializing in parental dynamics, warns that treating a child’s time as a bargaining chip can be damaging:

“When children feel like their time with a parent is being negotiated for personal gain, they can develop deep-seated resentment. Parents should strive to foster a sense of security and love, rather than making time with them feel transactional.”

In this case, OP’s ex-wife was asking for more time with their son, and rather than discussing alternative ways to balance the custody arrangement, OP immediately demanded monetary compensation—which turned what should have been an emotional decision into a business deal.

How to Handle Holiday Custody Disputes Fairly

Family law experts suggest that holiday custody conflicts should be resolved with compromise and communication, rather than demands. Here are some healthier approaches:

Ask the Child First – At 8 years old, the child is old enough to have an opinion. Would he rather go on the ski trip or stay home for Christmas?
Offer a Fair Trade – Instead of money, OP could have proposed swapping holiday time for additional summer time.
Prioritize Meaningful Experiences – A ski trip might be a once-in-a-lifetime memory for the child. Weighing the value of that against a routine Christmas at home is essential.
Keep Money Out of the Equation – Suggesting financial compensation sets a dangerous precedent—would this mean every time a schedule change happens, money needs to exchange hands?

Here’s What Reddit Had to Say:

Reddit users were not impressed with OP’s approach. While some agreed that the ex-wife was overstepping by asking for additional time, most felt that monetizing custody time was inappropriate. Many pointed out that OP’s immediate reaction of demanding money rather than negotiating time suggested he was more concerned about financial gain than his child’s happiness.