AITAH for tricking my SIL into stealing our baby name?

Amid the chaos of family gatherings and long-standing differences, Weddings, births, and baby names are moments of pure joy that can sometimes be derailed by unexpected family drama. In this case, the tension between two very different in-laws led to a clever and a little vindictive tactic.

One mom, feeling pressured by her boisterous sister-in-law’s constant probing about baby names, decided to test the waters. With a mix of humor and mischief, she orchestrated a plan to see if her sister-in-law was truly eager to steal their carefully chosen names.

The result? A stolen name that left everyone, especially the meddling relative, reeling with a mix of shock, confusion, and a dash of deserved satisfaction. this playful yet pointed act highlights how even something as personal as a baby name can become a battleground for control and recognition. With one final twist, the mom reveals just how far she’s willing to go to protect her choices and maintain the integrity of her family’s story.

‘AITAH for tricking my SIL into stealing our baby name?’

Throwaway for obvious reasons. So I 33F have been married to my husband Kevin (35M) for 5 years. We have a 3 year old daughter and I’m currently pregnant with twins (M&F). My BIL Terrance (38M) has been married to his wife Jess (39F) for 7 years. Jess and I are total opposites.

Jess in an extrovert. She’s kind of loud, boisterous and some would even say abrasive. I’m an introvert. I’m not quiet or shy, but I am reserved. I’m also very observant. The first time I met Jess, I told Kevin that we would be like oil and water. We’ve have never been overtly hostile towards each other but also have never gone out of our way to bond.

Unfortunately Terrance and Jess had fertility issues for several years before finally having their son a couple weeks ago. Prior to this, Jess was very odd towards us when I was pregnant with our daughter. The best way to describe it is hot and cold. One minute she pretended like she didn’t care while we were talking about it at family gatherings, the next she was volunteering to throw the baby shower (I gave a firm no to that.)

We both assumed the behavior was because of their fertility issues and didn’t think too much of it. But the strangest thing she did was almost demand to know what we were naming our daughter before we announced it. She asked us constantly after our gender reveal and got visibly annoyed when we just laughed her off and said it was a secret.

We couldn’t understand why the hell she cared so much as she was not expecting at this time. Regardless, we didn’t share the name with anyone. When our daughter was born and her name was finally announced, Jess was kind of… obsessed with it? Idk how to explain it. She just kept going on and on about how beautiful and unique it was.

To this day she comments about how different it is. The name we chose is a pretty common Welsh name which wouldn’t be all that different except for the fact that we are African American lol. I’ve always gravitated towards names from different regions and found and fell in love with the name years ago and never shared it with anyone prior to Kevin.

Fast forward to both of us being pregnant at the same time. Jess’ odd behavior continued towards me but this time it was more blatant. Snarky comments under the guise of jokes about how big I was going to get with 2 babies and that my body would never snap back like it did after our daughter.

She even accused us of getting pregnant on purpose after she announced her own pregnancy even though the whole family knew we were actively trying and at the time of her announcement, I was already a few weeks along and didn’t know. One thing about me, introvert or not, I’m no push over and will stand up for myself.

But, I chose to ignore Jess because I knew that would get to her more than confronting her would since she seems to thrive off drama. Jess was obviously much further along than we are, however, we did have our gender reveal prior to Jess giving birth. And right on cue, the baby name interrogation started again.

Because they decided not to find out the gender of their baby in advance, Jess kept hounding us for both of the names we had already picked out. But again, we declined to answer.

After days of this, I got annoyed and asked Kevin if he thought the reason for her insistence was so she could use the name first since she was due first. He kinda chuckled until he realized I was serious and said he didn’t think so but that anything was possible. So I said, “Lets test it.”

We were due to host my FIL’s birthday at our house a couple weeks later and I decided to leave something in the unfinished nursery with a girl and boy name on it and see if Jess went snooping.

Because Kevin thought it was silly, he said he would give me 20 bucks if she did it. So I went onto some site where you can order custom name wall decals and put in the names Aria Rose and Sebastian Ali. These are names that we like but aren’t remotely close to what we chose. This will also be our last pregnancy so even if Jess did use them, we wouldn’t care.

I didn’t complete the order. I got to the final page and then printed it out and hid it in a dresser drawer in the nursery. The party goes off but because we were busy hosting, we never noticed if Jess disappeared for any extended period of time. When I went into the nursey the next morning, nothing was out of place and the order sheet was still in the exact location. So we both just went “welp” and forgot about it.

I did however notice that Jess never asked us about the names again. Then Jess gives birth. We went to the hospital to give our congrats. When we go in and see the baby, I asked what his name was and man! I cannot properly explain the s**t eating grin that came over Jess’ face as she says Sebastian Ali. I mean she was REALLY proud of herself and honestly, it’s the most vindictive I have ever seen her look in the years I’ve known her.

But instead of reacting how she was expecting, I put on a performance like I had graduated from Julliard. “Omg that’s such a great name. He’s so cute, look at his widdle face. Oh I just love him so much. Welcome to the world, Sebastian.

Auntie is gonna spoil you rotten.” I mean I am laying it on THICK without an ounce of bother. The range of emotions on Jess’ face went from shock to confusion to rage in a span of maybe 17 seconds.

Meanwhile my husband is holding in the laugh of the century. We later say our goodbyes and he gives me a 20 in the elevator while almost crying laughing. All I could say was, “like I thought.”

This was 2 weeks ago and we haven’t seen them since because we wanted to give them time to settle in with the new baby. I have heard from my MIL that Jess doesn’t seem as thrilled about motherhood as she thought she would be considering how long it took them to conceive but said it might just be baby blues.

Obviously, I think she’s just disappointed that her petty move didn’t have the desired effect on us. I did share this with my sister and while she laughed initially, she did say it was kind of an AH move. So, AITAH?

EDIT: For those asking my daughter’s name, I put it in the comments but I’ll put it here too as I don’t mind sharing now. Her name is Carys. And I too stole it. From Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta Jones lol. I think it’s a gorgeous name and more people should use it!

Family dynamics often involve subtle power plays, and baby names are no exception. When one relative oversteps boundaries, it can trigger a series of actions intended to reclaim control. In this scenario, the mom’s decision to trick her sister-in-law into “stealing” a baby name was as much about asserting her autonomy as it was about protecting a cherished family tradition.

Relationship expert Dr. Brené Brown reminds us that “vulnerability is the birthplace of love, belonging, and joy.” This situation, while seemingly petty on the surface, reflects a deeper need to assert one’s identity and safeguard what matters most in the face of intrusive behavior.

By covertly leaving a fake order for custom name decals in the nursery, the mom created an environment where the truth was bound to come out. This act was not just about catching her sister-in-law in the act it was a deliberate maneuver to set boundaries.

The use of humor, as demonstrated by her over-the-top congratulatory performance when the stolen name was announced, served to neutralize the tension and reclaim the narrative. Such tactics, though seemingly light-hearted, underscore the significance of personal agency in family relationships.

In any family, differing personalities can lead to conflicting expectations. When one person is reserved and the other is outspoken, misunderstandings and power struggles are almost inevitable. The sister-in-law’s persistent inquiries about the baby name, despite clear refusals, crossed a line that left the mom feeling both frustrated and disrespected.

Dr. John Gottman, another respected figure in relationship dynamics, has often noted that unspoken resentments can fester if boundaries are not clearly established. By taking this creative, if mischievous, step, the mom made a clear statement: personal choices, especially those as significant as naming a child, are not up for negotiation or appropriation by others.

Furthermore, the incident highlights how actions taken in the moment can have long-lasting implications for family dynamics. The immediate reaction from shock to an almost triumphant smirk demonstrates that the sister-in-law’s behavior was noticed and, ultimately, curbed.

While some might argue that such a prank could escalate tensions further, it seems that, at least for now, the boundaries have been reset. The playful yet pointed nature of the act invites a broader conversation about respect, autonomy, and the ways in which we negotiate shared spaces within families.

Check out how the community responded:

Community Opinions

Here are some hot takes from the Reddit community candid, humorous, and unfiltered:

teresajs −  NTA. That’s hilarious! Put SIL on an information diet about anything having to do with your pregnancy and kids.  SIL probably isn’t done trying to cause drama.  

Proper-Foundation668 −  NTA and well played. Jess got exactly what she deserved.

SavvyMaverick −  NTA. No one told her to go snooping. She thought she had taken something important away from you and was proud of it. You clearly pegged her correctly. It could have been worse. You could have chosen a “tragedeigh” name and that child would be stuck with it lol.

ZenwalkerNS −  NTA. She tricked herself into naming her baby a name she probably doesn’t even like.

EticketJedi −  NTA – I mean… she opened drawers in the nursery to find the name. That’s on her. Hilarious and well played.. Congrats on the $20.

Crafty_Special_7052 −  NTA that is hilarious. She’ll probably get mad all over again when you give birth and realize you aren’t using Aria Rose for the girl name

angry_scream −  If you really want to drive her crazy, you can tell everyone that you got to pick the name for her baby! You can say that you printed out those names because you were going to suggest them to her for her child, but then felt like it would be overstepping. You were so pleased when SIL found the names and must have decided to honor you by picking your choice. Lay it on thick.

snugrosie −  NTA. You wondered if this was her plan. If you confronted her about your suspicions, you would have looked crazy and spiteful. Setting up a ‘test’ to see if you’re correct or not wasn’t wrong. She may never have looked in the drawers. She may have started a betting pool on your baby names and would have been upset when she didn’t win it because she thought she had inside information.

What you did was non confrontational and absolutely brilliant. It showed you who she is. You didn’t slander her to the family or make a big deal about it. You gathered intel that will guide you down the road when dealing with the crazy. No one else has to know aside from you and your husband. And Reddit. I’m so grateful you shared this on Reddit.

JellicoAlpha_3_1 −  NTAH. And also, never admit it. If she admits to snooping and taking the name, here is what you do *Well, we had a list of names. So every day, we’d set out different names and then we’d spend time in the nursey with those names to see which ones felt the best.

Sebastian was on the list, but ultimately, we decided to go with <actual names because they both spoke to us. But we are so glad you chose the name because it is a great name…and as it turns out, it was meant to be for you and not us.*

Material_Cellist4133 −  NTA. But I’m surprised you didn’t ask your husband for the money in the room when she announced the name…just to show how toxic she is…

Many redditors appreciate the cleverness of the mom’s strategy, with several applauding her for finally putting an end to her sister-in-law’s invasive behavior. Others, while sympathizing with the need to set boundaries, wonder if there might have been a less dramatic way to handle the situation.

The consensus is that sometimes a little mischief is necessary to keep family dynamics in check, even if it means playing a harmless trick to remind everyone that personal choices deserve respect.

In conclusion, this story serves as a reminder that even the most personal decisions like choosing a baby name can spark a battle for control when family boundaries are crossed. The mom’s creative response not only reasserted her authority over her own choices but also set a precedent for handling future intrusions with humor and confidence.

What do you think was this a brilliant move to reclaim autonomy, or could there have been a better way to address the issue? Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments, and let’s discuss: When does playful mischief become too much in family disputes?