AITAH for calling the police on my niece and not telling my sister beforehand?

When family boundaries are crossed and property is invaded, emotions can run extremely high—even if the perpetrators are close relatives. In this story, a 24-year-old woman recounts why she called the police on her 16‑year‑old niece (and her friends) for breaking into her home and stealing valuable items, including money, two Rolex watches, and a cherished family heirloom.

Although she gave her sister a two‑day window to recover the stolen items, when nothing came of it, she felt forced to involve the authorities. Now, her sister is furious that she wasn’t warned beforehand, calling her actions a betrayal. This post asks: Am I the a**hole for calling the police without giving my sister more notice?

‘AITAH for calling the police on my niece and not telling my sister beforehand?’

I 24F have a sister 35F who has a 16 year old daughter. Her daughter has started rebelling and being a teenager. (By being a teenager I don’t mean stealing, I mean being mouthy or thinking she invincible and she knows better than everyone) But recently she’s gotten sticky fingers.

She’s been banned from the mall in our neighborhood, she was suspended from school for taking a girls phone, and she’s even tried to pawn her mother’s wedding ring. I don’t like my niece at my house for this reason. I have worked too hard for my things for them to be stolen.

2 weeks ago I noticed the patio door was unlocked and I make sure I lock all my doors before I leave. My fiancée suggested we get cameras so we put cameras in the house. Last week (Wednesday) My fiancée and I went to go look at wedding venues and we were gone all day,

when we got back i only had to unlock the bottom lock to get in the house so we checked the cameras and sure enough my niece and her friends somehow picked the lock to the window and she was in our house for hours with 2 guys and they took some money from my purse,

the took two of my fiancée’s Rolex watches, they also took my grandmothers wedding ring that she left for me when she passed away last year from cancer. They were eating snacks and watching tv, shoes on our table and couch. Just like they live there and this is normal.

I called my sister and told her what happened and told her my niece had 2 days to give me everything back or I’d call the police and she said she would handle it. Thursday comes around. Nothing. Friday comes around. Nothing. So I called the police, showed them the video, filed a report.

I got a call later from my sister crying and screaming that I should have told her beforehand. I told her I gave her 2 days to come up with the stolen items and I heard nothing back and I told her I was going to call the police. She’s lucky I gave her grace for 2 days.

My mom called me and said that “you don’t have kids so you don’t understand” I told her it doesn’t matter if I have kids or not. She committed a crime and brought two random people in my house. My safety is in danger. I don’t get the whole “you should have warned me” warned her for what? So she could hide her? I don’t think I did anything wrong.

My sister and her husband said they won’t be coming to our wedding and I told them the invitation was revoked when your daughter stole my things. I’ve been getting threats from her husband, I want to block them but my fiancée says keep all the evidence in case something else happens.

Experts in family dynamics and personal boundaries often stress that protecting one’s property and ensuring personal safety take precedence—even when the offender is a family member. Relationship expert Dr. John Gottman notes, “When personal safety is at risk and boundaries are repeatedly crossed, it is both reasonable and necessary to take decisive action. A preexisting chance to resolve matters within the family does not obligate you to forgo protecting your home.”

In this case, the host gave her sister a two‑day period to address the theft before calling the police, which is a clear effort to resolve the matter internally. When that window closed without resolution, the decision to involve law enforcement was based on the need to safeguard her property and maintain a sense of security.

Though the sister’s emotional reaction is understandable, experts point out that when criminal activity occurs—even by a relative—the victim has every right to act in accordance with the law. Moreover, the host’s actions underscore the importance of maintaining personal boundaries, especially in situations where repeated transgressions compromise one’s well‑being.

See what others had to share with OP:

Many community members feel that if your home is invaded and your valuables are stolen, calling the police is not only justified but essential. One commenter remarked, “If you’ve already given a chance for things to be resolved and nothing happens, you’re not the a**hole for protecting yourself.”

Others noted that while some might wish for a heads‑up, safety and property rights come first. Still, a few suggest that better communication could have mitigated the fallout—yet most agree that the host’s decision was fair given the circumstances.

MD7001 −  NTA. Your niece has some serious issues & she needs to understand actions have consequences. Question though, how did she get into your house?

Witchy_Inked_One −  Definitely NTA, you were incredibly generous to give them 2 days grace. Have you had any of the items since you called the police?
Your sister and husband have absolutely no right to be rude and threatening ~ maybe they can use that energy to deal with your niece.

[Reddit User] −  NTA. Your niece is a scumbag and your sister’s a s**tty mom.

Silvaria928 −  Oh, for crying out loud…”you don’t have kids so you don’t understand”?? What’s not to understand? She broke into your house with two accomplices, and they stole numerous valuable items. Now you feel violated and unsafe in your own home. NTA but your sister and your mother are AH, big-time. Do what you need to do to reclaim your property and your peace of mind.

lovetetrisgg −  nta get restraining order on them. In fact, send the video to the whole family + extended family and let everyone know what happened before they mar your reputation as well as warning to bar your niece from their homes. Your wedding won’t be the only family gathering they would not attend after.

They do not deserve another word out of your mouth if they can’t understand how severe this i**asion is.. Best wishes for your wedding. edit: Although base on principle I thought it would be a fair warning to the family and any potential targets, now i am changing my mind after few comments mentioned it’s not legal to share this.

Visible-Palpitation7 −  Sister, husband niece and mama would all be blocked and uninvited to my wedding. Because wtf?! This little brat broke in your house with two strangers stole from you and everyone else is the victim? Nope I’d be going NC with all of them. Keep those threats and call the cops again. They’re gonna FAFO!

Striking-Seaweed-831 −  NTA – I saw Rolex watches and I’d lose my mind if someone stole those from me. That could be 10-12k a watch depending on the model. I bet they sold them for a couple hundred bucks a piece too.

Edit – thanks for all the upvotes and replies. Yes 10-12k is the low end for a Rolex these days. I do realize there are more expensive models that can get all the way up into the six figure range.

Why_Teach −  If I were your sister, I would be very worried about why my daughter is a thief. This is *not* normal teen behavior. Drugs may be part of the reason. The kid needs a serious intervention.

Tannim44 −  NTA, talk to a lawyer and see if you have grounds to sue the parents, I’m assuming the 2 boys were also minors, for the loss of your belongings. Nothing like mommy and daddy facing financial consequences to get your things back.

EchoMountain158 −  NTA.Thursday comes around. Nothing. Friday comes around. Nothing. So just like every other time she was just hoping it would go away and had no intention of doing anything. I’ve been getting threats from her husband. Stellar parenting. They’re both failures.

Ultimately, this situation highlights the tough choices we sometimes have to make when family loyalty clashes with personal safety. Was it wrong for the host to call the police without giving her sister more notice? Or, given that the theft continued despite a warning, was her action completely justified? We invite you to share your thoughts and experiences—how do you balance family loyalty with the need to protect your property and peace of mind?