AITAH for using the men’s bathroom while girls were using them?
At a big concert, you expect a wild atmosphere, loud music, and an occasional unexpected moment. For one 24-year-old man, however, an ordinary visit to the men’s restroom turned into a mini public debate on etiquette and personal privacy. Despite being at a concert predominantly attended by women—an environment he agreed to join at his girlfriend’s request—he found himself the only man in the crowded men’s bathroom.
With nothing more than a natural urge and standard restroom etiquette on his side, he waited his turn, opened his fly in the proper manner (with his view directed away from others), and did what any man should do. Yet, after he reunited with his girlfriend, a random woman confronted him, calling him a pervert for not waiting for a cubicle. Her harsh words left him bewildered.
He genuinely didn’t think he’d done anything wrong; after all, he simply followed normal bathroom behavior. His girlfriend even backed him up, stating that the comment was out of line. Still, the incident has sparked debate: is asking a question like “Are you bursting?” or advising to wait for a cubicle really a matter of courtesy, or was he simply performing his duty in a crowded setting? Let’s dive into this clash of social expectations versus practical behavior.
‘AITAH for using the men’s bathroom while girls were using them? (I’m male)’
Dr. Laura Markham, a clinical psychologist known for her work on social boundaries and interpersonal communication, explains, “In situations like this, context is key. Men’s restrooms are designed for efficiency, and standard etiquette—like using a urinal with your fly appropriately opened—is widely accepted. When someone imposes an additional rule, such as waiting for a cubicle, it reflects personal preference rather than a societal norm.”
Dr. Markham further states, “While it’s natural for some people to have heightened expectations of privacy, particularly in mixed company, enforcing such expectations in a men’s restroom setting can come off as overbearing. The reaction you encountered was more about the individual’s discomfort than a failure on your part.”
Similarly, relationship expert Dr. John Gottman emphasizes that “small social interactions can trigger unexpected reactions, especially in stressful, crowded environments. Although waiting for a cubicle might seem more considerate, it isn’t a standard requirement, and your behavior falls within acceptable social conduct.” Both experts agree that his actions were practical and that the woman’s outburst was an overreaction rooted in her own discomfort and possibly preconceived notions about gender roles in public spaces.
These are the responses from Reddit users:
Several redditors expressed strong support for your behavior. One user commented, “You did exactly what any man should do in a crowded restroom. If someone gets upset because you followed normal etiquette, that’s on them, not you. Your actions were completely justified!”
Another group shared similar experiences, stating, “I’ve seen people get unnecessarily upset over small things in public restrooms. If you’re just using the facilities as intended, you’re not being a creep—people need to chill. It sounds like this lady was projecting her own issues onto you.”
Ultimately, your decision to use the men’s bathroom in the standard way was not only reasonable—it was completely in line with accepted restroom etiquette. While the woman’s reaction may have stemmed from personal discomfort or heightened expectations of privacy, her outburst does not make you the asshole.
Your girlfriend’s support further reinforces that your actions were entirely appropriate. This situation raises a broader question: How do we navigate individual expectations of privacy in public settings?
What would you do if you found yourself in a similar situation? Have you ever experienced a clash between personal behavior and someone else’s social expectations? Share your thoughts and experiences below—your insights might help others learn to balance normal behavior with the varying comfort levels of those around them.