AITAH for saying I wouldn’t allow my brother and his kids live with me when I buy my house ?

Building your own future can be exhilarating—and stressful—especially when family expectations start interfering with your hard-earned plans. Our OP, a determined individual saving for a house in Brooklyn, has long dreamed of having a property to call her own. She’s been scrimping and saving, skipping nights out and putting her personal dreams first.

However, when she shared her excitement with her mom, her older brother—an electrician with a family of his own—learned about it and now expects to move in with his wife and three kids. The very idea of having her family benefit from her painstaking work is infuriating to her. Frustrated by her brother’s audacious demand that his ability to fix electrical problems automatically entitles him and his family to live in her future home, she stood her ground.

For her, the house is not charity; it’s a hard‑earned investment that she plans to furnish and enjoy on her own terms. Her refusal to allow her brother and his kids to move in has ignited a family firestorm, leaving many labeling her as heartless. But is she really the asshole for prioritizing her future over their expectations?

‘AITAH for saying I wouldn’t allow my brother and his kids live with me when I buy my house ?’

When it comes to family dynamics and personal investment, setting clear boundaries is essential. Dr. Ramani Durvasula, a clinical psychologist known for her work on family and relationship dynamics, states, “A person’s financial and personal investments are their own, and it’s crucial to assert boundaries when family members attempt to impose their own needs on someone else’s future.” ([​kidshealth.org]) In this scenario,

the OP’s refusal to allow her brother and his family to live with her is a stance for protecting her hard-earned independence. Dr. Durvasula explains that financial independence is a cornerstone of personal growth and self-empowerment, particularly for individuals who have worked hard to achieve their goals.

“It’s not unreasonable to expect that your financial sacrifices and personal investments should benefit you alone,” she adds. The OP’s house is not a communal property, but a symbol of her determination to build a stable future. By refusing to let her brother and his kids move in, she is simply enforcing the boundaries she set for herself—boundaries that were clearly communicated from the start.

Family therapist Dr. Susan Johnson also emphasizes the importance of respecting personal space in any relationship. “When family members try to overstep their bounds, it can create resentment and undermine your autonomy,” she advises. In this case, the OP’s older brother assumed that his skills as an electrician automatically entitled him to use her property as a safety net,

disregarding her personal aspirations and financial independence. Dr. Johnson suggests that while family support is important, it should never come at the cost of someone’s own dreams and efforts. Moreover, research on family boundaries indicates that clear communication about financial responsibilities is key.

A study published in the Journal of Family Psychology found that individuals who maintain firm boundaries regarding their personal investments tend to experience greater satisfaction and less conflict within the family. The OP’s stance—refusing to let her brother’s family move in without her consent—is not only reasonable but also an assertion of her rights.

It’s a reminder that while families are meant to support each other, that support should not come at the expense of personal growth and financial security. In this light, the OP’s decision can be seen as a healthy exercise of self-care and independence, rather than an act of selfishness.

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

Many redditors agree with the OP, pointing out that a house is a personal asset built through hard work and sacrifice, not a free condo for family members who expect charity without contributing to the cost.

In the end, the OP’s decision to refuse to let her brother and his family move in when she buys her house is a firm stand for her independence and hard work. While some may view her actions as uncharitable, it’s important to remember that personal assets are built through sacrifice and should remain under the control of the person who earned them.

What do you think? Should family always be entitled to a share in your personal investments, or is it fair to set boundaries for your own future? Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments below—what would you do if you were in a similar situation?