AITA for telling my late dad’s ILs that their granddaughter is not my responsibility?

Life doesn’t wait for anyone to be ready, and sometimes responsibility comes knocking at the most unexpected times. When tragedy struck, leaving two children orphaned, one young man stepped up for his teenage sister—but refused to take in his late father’s stepdaughter. His decision has led to serious backlash from the child’s grandparents, but is he really in the wrong?

The OP (Original Poster) is a 19-year-old who took custody of his 15-year-old biological sister, Calla, after their father and his wife passed away three months ago. However, his late father’s wife had a daughter from a previous marriage, Lacey (5), who was placed with her biological grandparents.

OP was offered the chance to take Lacey in but declined. Now, Lacey’s grandparents have been relentlessly pressuring OP to reconsider, calling him selfish and cruel for not taking in the young girl. OP is left wondering—was he wrong to refuse?

‘AITA for telling my late dad’s ILs that their granddaughter is not my responsibility?’

Expert Opinion:

The Core Issue

At the center of this dilemma is the question of responsibility. Does a teenager have an obligation to take in a non-biological sibling simply because they lived in the same household for four years? While empathy is crucial in such situations, OP’s stance is grounded in a practical understanding of his own limits.

Dr. Samantha Hill, a psychologist specializing in family trauma, explains, “While maintaining relationships with half or step-siblings can be beneficial for emotional support, forcing a guardianship role onto someone unprepared can lead to resentment and burnout. OP is still transitioning into adulthood himself, and placing additional responsibilities on him could hinder both his and his sister’s stability.”

Legal and Ethical Considerations

Legally, OP had no obligation to take Lacey in. Child Protective Services (CPS) assessed the situation and found a placement with her biological family to be the best option. Ethically, expecting a 19-year-old—who is already taking on full guardianship of a teenager—to also raise a five-year-old is a significant demand.

Attorney Michael Drouillard, an expert in child custody cases, states, “Unless legally designated as a guardian, no individual is required to assume custody of a non-biological child. Courts typically prioritize placements that align with biological family connections unless there is a strong pre-existing parental bond.”

What Could Have Been Done Differently?

Instead of pressuring OP, Lacey’s grandparents could:

• Seek additional resources or financial assistance to help with her care.
• Encourage continued sibling visits without forcing guardianship.
• Explore foster care or kinship care programs for additional support.

Here’s What Reddit Had to Say:

The general consensus sided with OP, emphasizing that he has already stepped up tremendously for his sister and should not be guilted into taking on another child.

Most agree that OP is not at fault. Taking on guardianship of a teenager is already a massive responsibility, and adding a five-year-old to the mix would be overwhelming. While it’s unfortunate that Lacey is without her stepsiblings, OP has every right to prioritize his and Calla’s well-being.

Should OP reconsider his stance, or is he justified in drawing this boundary? What would you do in his situation? Share your thoughts below!