AITAH for moving away for college and abandoning “my” son?
Teenage pregnancy can feel like the ultimate curveball—especially when it’s the last thing on your mind. In this situation, an 18-year-old finds himself facing a baby he never wanted, feeling overwhelmed by the sudden responsibility and the sharp judgment of everyone around him. While he’s set on pursuing a college degree out of state, the new mother and even his own parents are pressuring him to step up—whether he likes it or not.
Unfortunately, the legal and emotional complications aren’t nearly as simple as waving goodbye and moving on with life. With paternity, child support laws, and moral obligations all in the mix, there’s no easy escape route. Let’s dive into this messy scenario, where a momentary lapse of caution has turned into a life-changing whirlwind of guilt, blame, and tough decisions.
‘AITAH for moving away for college and abandoning “my” son?’
Expert Opinion
1. Dealing with Reality
“Once a child is born, the stakes change significantly,” notes Emily Doskow, a family law attorney quoted by NOLO. Even if a young father strongly desires to stay uninvolved, legally walking away isn’t typically as simple as signing a paper. Courts consider the child’s best interests paramount, which includes the right to financial support from both parents. Disliking the situation or feeling forced into it does not erase these obligations.
2. The Complexity of Child Support
In most jurisdictions, mothers can file a paternity action to confirm the father’s identity—through a DNA test, if necessary. Once established, a child support order often follows. According to Doskow’s research, signing away parental rights rarely frees someone from financial obligations unless there’s an adoption or another legal mechanism in place. Therefore, focusing solely on disclaiming paternity in hopes of avoiding payment could lead to unwelcome legal battles down the road.
3. Navigating Emotional Turmoil
Psychologically, it’s understandable for a teenager to feel panicked at the notion of fatherhood. Dr. Martha Henry, a clinical psychologist featured in Psychology Today, explains that denial or avoidance can sometimes be a knee-jerk reaction to overwhelming stress.
However, ignoring the emotional aspects can lead to long-term regret or anxiety. Even if the father remains physically distant, acknowledging and coping with the situation (potentially through counseling) could help him maintain healthy relationships in the future.
4. Pathways Forward
While the prospect of college and a fresh start is tempting, tackling the paternity issue sooner rather than later is crucial to avoid bigger complications. Taking a proactive approach—like consulting a family law attorney—can clarify rights and responsibilities.
If fatherhood involvement is truly unwanted, a formal agreement outlining child support might offer resolution. On the other hand, if at any point he decides to have a role in his child’s life, open communication and mediation can help set boundaries and expectations without derailing his future goals.
Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:
Community Opinions
Here’s a quick sampling of candid reactions from the Reddit crowd—raw, real, and often blunt:
From stark legal warnings to lecturing on responsible behavior, the online jury has no shortage of advice and opinions on this tangled situation.
At the end of the day, choices have consequences—even (or especially) when they happen at 17. While the law might force him to share financial accountability, the personal question of involvement remains complex. Can he truly walk away from his biological child without regrets? Or does building a life for himself necessarily mean learning to balance college ambitions with parental responsibilities?
What do you think about this predicament? Share your opinions, experiences, or questions below. The conversation on teenage parenthood, moral duties, and legal obligations is far from over—join in and keep it going.