My mom (52F) called me (28F) selfish over an incident that happened when I was teenager. AITAH or is she?
Parenting is a complex art, often filled with difficult decisions and gray areas. But when does a parent’s authority cross the line into something else entirely? Some parents teach their kids lessons about gratitude and responsibility, while others… well, let’s just say their tactics leave much to be desired.
This brings us to an intriguing story that’s stirring up the internet—one where a mother swapped her teenage daughter’s birthday gift for herself, and over a decade later, still insists she was in the right. The Original Poster (OP) shared that she was gifted a birthday present—a smartphone by her grandfather, but it ultimately was taken by her mother.
OP, now an adult, still feels the sting of the incident, while her mother dismisses it as childish selfishness. So, was this a justifiable parental decision, or did OP’s mother cross a serious boundary? Reddit had a lot to say about it. Read on to see the full story.
‘My mom (52F) called me (28F) selfish over an incident that happened when I was teenager. AITAH or is she?’
Expert Opinion:
What Really Happened Here?
The heart of the conflict in OP’s story lies in the idea of parental entitlement versus a child’s autonomy over their own possessions. OP’s mother felt that as the head of the household, she had the right to determine how resources were distributed—even if that meant taking a gift meant for someone else.
However, the psychological impact of such actions can be lasting, especially when framed as a lesson in gratitude rather than acknowledged for what it really was—an act of control and jealousy.
One major underlying issue here is the power dynamic between parents and children. Dr. Susan Newman, a social psychologist specializing in family dynamics, notes that some parents struggle with shifting family roles as their children grow.
“A child receiving something perceived as ‘better’ than what the parent has can trigger feelings of resentment and loss of control, even if it’s subconscious. Instead of recognizing this emotion and addressing it, some parents may rationalize their behavior as necessary or justified.”
Psychological and Ethical Considerations
The ethical dilemma in OP’s story revolves around whether a parent has the right to take something from their child simply because they want it more. In a legal context, taking another person’s property without consent—even within a family—is considered theft. While the law may not intervene in parent-child conflicts like this, the moral implications remain significant.
Dr. Lisa Damour, a clinical psychologist and author specializing in adolescent development, explains, “Teenagers begin to develop a sense of personal ownership and independence. When a parent overrides that in a way that feels unjust, it can fracture trust and create long-term resentment.”
OP’s continued frustration with her mother’s actions suggests that this was not a mere disagreement but a formative moment that shaped her perception of fairness and respect.
What Could Have Been Done Differently?
Rather than taking OP’s phone, a more constructive approach would have been:
- Open dialogue: Explaining financial concerns or feelings of inequity instead of acting out of jealousy.
- Compromise: If the mother genuinely needed a new phone for work, discussing alternative solutions such as purchasing a more affordable model for herself.
- Respecting boundaries: Recognizing that a gift given to someone else is theirs, regardless of personal feelings about it.
Here’s What Reddit Had to Say:
Redditors overwhelmingly sided with OP, labeling the mother’s actions as entitlement and outright theft.
What do you think? Was OP justified in holding onto this resentment, or should she let it go? More importantly, how should parents handle situations where their children receive gifts they themselves desire? Share your thoughts below!