WIBTAH if I told my wife’s dead husband’s parents to stop coming to see our daughter?

There are certain moments in life where past and present seem to collide at full speed. One day, you’re building a future with your spouse and new baby; the next, you’re grappling with lingering ties to a loved one lost far too soon. That’s precisely the predicament a new father finds himself in—trying to honor his wife’s late husband and his parents while also protecting his own sense of family and boundaries.

Emotions can run high in a situation like this, as everyone’s trying to cope with grief, new beginnings, and unexpected relationships. Balancing compassion for his wife’s former in-laws against his own need for personal space is no easy task. The question is: Where’s the line between being respectful of the past and ensuring it doesn’t overshadow the future?

‘WIBTAH if I told my wife’s dead husband’s parents to stop coming to see our daughter?’

Expert Opinion

“Introducing new family members to old connections can be a delicate dance,” says Dr. Tammy Nelson, a couples’ therapist featured in Psychology Today. Below are key insights to consider:

Learning to coexist with loved ones from a previous marriage is inherently challenging—especially when grief clouds the picture. In this scenario, the parents lost their only son, so their attachment to the widow (now remarried) and her child is intense. Each visit stirs up memories, guilt, and the longing for “what might have been.”

According to Dr. Nelson, establishing flexible but firm boundaries can be beneficial. This ensures that while grief is respected, it does not overtake the emotional space of the new family dynamic. The husband’s discomfort likely stems from the parents’ repeated references to their deceased son. Too much focus on the past can unintentionally push the new father into feeling like a third wheel in his own home.

From an external perspective, one might argue there’s no such thing as “too much love” for a child. But the line is crossed when remarks—like imagining how the late husband’s kids might have looked—make the current spouse feel diminished. Balancing empathy with self-preservation becomes paramount.

Research from the American Psychological Association (source) suggests that open communication is often the best approach to resolving thorny family issues. This can include candid but kind discussions about what’s okay to bring up and when. Dr. Nelson advises working toward a supportive relationship in which all parties feel valued.

Therapy, whether individual or group, can also help. This might involve grief counseling for the late husband’s parents, who still need a safe space to process their ongoing sorrow. Ultimately, gentle boundary-setting—agreed upon by both spouses—can help steer the situation toward a healthier dynamic. It might involve limiting overnight stays, scheduling visits at comfortable intervals, and politely redirecting difficult conversations.

While it’s generous to include them in this new family chapter, there must be mutual understanding that the new husband’s role is not overshadowed. In the end, each person’s emotional well-being deserves protection, ensuring that respect for the past doesn’t eclipse the happiness of the present.

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

“Sometimes, you never know who’s going to chime in on Reddit—everyone from wise old grandparents to sassy teens with strong takes.” Here’s a taste of what people had to say:

Whether championing the idea of additional grandparents or urging the father to stand his ground, the online community—true to form—delivered a range of lively perspectives.

Finding yourself torn between compassion for grieving parents and the need for personal space is no small feat. This father’s feelings matter just as much as his wife’s desire to maintain a connection with her late husband’s family. The ultimate solution will likely hinge on honest conversations, mutual respect, and carefully negotiated boundaries.

What would you do in his shoes? We invite you to share your insights, advice, or personal stories. Drop a comment and join the discussion!