AITAH for ending an eight year friendship after my cameras recorded her in my home when I was out of town?
Friendships thrive on trust, mutual respect, and boundaries. But what happens when a friend repeatedly disrespects those boundaries, sneaks into your home without permission, and laughs it off when caught? That’s exactly the situation Original Poster (OP) faced when she discovered, via security cameras, that her so-called friend had been treating her house like her personal supply closet every time she was out of town.
Instead of owning up to it, the friend dodged accountability, making excuses that didn’t add up. Now, OP is being told she should forgive and move on. But does breaking and entering really deserve a second chance? Let’s dive in.
‘AITAH for ending an eight year friendship after my cameras recorded her in my home when I was out of town?’
Expert Opinion: The Psychology of Boundary Violations
The Issue: Repeated Boundary Crossings and Gaslighting
At its core, OP’s friend displayed deeply concerning behavior—entering someone’s home uninvited, lying when confronted, and only apologizing when caught. According to Dr. Henry Cloud, co-author of Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No, “A person who constantly oversteps boundaries and then minimizes their actions is unlikely to change unless they face real consequences.”
OP had already spent years trying to teach her friend about personal limits, yet the behavior persisted. Instead of showing genuine remorse, the friend laughed it off, attempted to downplay the situation, and even turned the tables—implying that OP was wrong for talking to others about it. This is a textbook example of gaslighting, a manipulation tactic used to make the victim question their own reality.
The Dangers of Overlooking Repeated Violations
Security expert Steve Kardian, author of The New Superpower for Women, warns that ignoring red flags in social relationships can escalate into more serious violations of trust over time.
Let’s put this into perspective: If a random stranger had done this, there would be no hesitation in calling the police. The fact that it was a friend doesn’t make it any less of a serious breach of privacy.
OP’s friend had a pattern of helping herself to OP’s home whenever she pleased. Given that OP’s basement renter confirmed it had happened multiple times, there’s no telling what else this friend had taken, snooped through, or even stolen.
What OP Should Do Moving Forward
- Change the Locks Immediately: It’s possible the friend had a key or knew a way to enter. A digital lock system may also be a good idea.
- Warn Close Neighbors: If she was comfortable snooping in OP’s home, she might have done the same elsewhere.
- Cut Contact Completely: People who don’t respect boundaries don’t deserve a second chance to violate them.
- Consider a Police Report: Even if OP doesn’t press charges, having an official report on file can be useful if the friend escalates or retaliates.
Community Reactions
Redditors overwhelmingly sided with OP, saying she was right to cut ties and that forgiveness doesn’t mean tolerating disrespect.
There’s a difference between making one mistake and repeatedly violating trust. OP’s former friend didn’t just step over a boundary—she bulldozed through it multiple times, laughed it off, and only expressed regret when she realized she was losing access to OP’s home.
What do you think? Would you have given this friend another chance, or was OP right to cut ties completely? Share your thoughts below!