AITAH for asking someone to stop coming to my house when no one is home?

There are few things as comforting as returning home to a quiet space—only to find unexpected visitors in your personal sanctuary. In today’s story, a 28-year-old woman recounts how she grew increasingly frustrated when her wife’s friend, who has a key for emergencies, repeatedly showed up unannounced at her house.

While the friend’s initial gesture of dropping off baked goods was sweet (and appreciated for the sake of a pregnant wife with a growing sweet tooth), things took a turn when the same friend started casually helping herself to leftovers. This breach of personal space and lack of courtesy left our storyteller feeling disrespected in her own home.

She set a firm boundary by asking the friend not to come by without prior notice—a move that some mutual friends now call rude. The question remains: is she in the wrong for insisting on her privacy, or is her reaction completely justified?

‘AITAH for asking someone to stop coming to my house when no one is home?’

Expert Opinion

Letting someone enter your home uninvited—especially when no one else is there—can be more than just a minor inconvenience; it’s a violation of personal boundaries. Dr. Laura Markham, a clinical psychologist renowned for her work on family dynamics and personal boundaries, explains, “Healthy boundaries are essential for preserving your emotional well-being.

It’s not selfish to demand respect for your personal space; it’s a critical aspect of self-care.” Dr. Markham’s insight is particularly relevant here: our writer has every right to feel uncomfortable when someone uses an emergency key as a free pass to pop in whenever they feel like it.

In social settings, clear communication is key. When the friend dropped off baked goods, it might have seemed like a kind gesture, but when she later showed up unannounced and even helped herself to leftovers, it crossed a line. “In any relationship, whether with family or friends, respecting each other’s boundaries is non-negotiable,” says Dr. Markham.

By asking the friend to stop coming over without notice, our writer was merely enforcing her right to privacy in her own home. This issue touches on a broader social challenge—how to balance the generosity often expected in close relationships with the necessity of maintaining personal space.

In today’s hyper-connected world, where digital keys and backup access are common, the assumption that a key equals a constant invitation is flawed. Dr. Markham points out that “while giving someone a key for emergencies is a gesture of trust, it does not grant them carte blanche to access your home at any time.

It is reasonable and healthy to expect a heads-up before any visit.” Furthermore, many experts argue that not all gestures of goodwill come with implied permission for unscheduled visits. Relationship therapist Dr. James Cooper adds, “Setting boundaries is not about being unkind; it’s about ensuring mutual respect.

When one party continually disregards your need for space, it can lead to long-term resentment.” His perspective reinforces that our writer’s reaction is not about being rude but about asserting a necessary boundary that protects her peace of mind. Overall, enforcing personal boundaries—especially in your own home—is essential to maintaining a sense of control and respect.

Our writer’s decision is a practical one rooted in the need to prevent further intrusions and preserve the sanctity of her private space. It’s a reminder that while friendships thrive on kindness and generosity, they must also honor the personal limits that allow us to function comfortably and securely.

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

Several redditors expressed strong support for our writer, with one user stating, “If someone uses your emergency key as a free pass without asking, you’re well within your rights to put your foot down. Personal space is sacred!” These users emphasized that respecting boundaries is key to any healthy relationship.

Another group shared personal experiences where uninvited visits led to similar frustrations. One commenter mentioned, “I’ve had friends drop by unannounced all the time, and it drives me crazy. It’s totally reasonable to ask for a heads-up before visiting your home.” Their stories resonated with the need for clear communication and mutual respect.

In the end, asking someone not to come over uninvited—especially when your home is your sanctuary—is not only reasonable, it’s necessary. Our writer’s request was a clear attempt to assert her right to privacy and ensure that her personal space is respected. While some may argue that giving someone a key implies ongoing permission, it is entirely fair to expect communication and courtesy before any visit.

What do you think? Have you ever faced a situation where a friendly gesture turned into an intrusion of personal space? How do you balance the generosity of friendship with the need for privacy? We invite you to share your thoughts and experiences—what would you do if you found yourself in a similar situation?