AITA for snapping at my husband for repeatedly bringing up b**ast surgery?

Imagine being with someone for years, feeling comfortable and accepted, only to have them start criticizing your body and pressuring you into cosmetic surgery. That’s the situation facing OP, who finds herself questioning her marriage after her husband’s persistent comments about her breasts become a source of conflict and insecurity.

Join us as we unpack this story of body image, boundaries, and the struggle to maintain self-esteem in the face of criticism from a loved one.

‘ AITA for snapping at my husband for repeatedly bringing up b**ast surgery?’

I 27F have been married to my husband 34M for over a year. We’ve been together for 6 years. He’s a gym freak which I don’t have a problem with except for when he sometimes tries to impose his routine on me (pressure me into adopting his dietary habits). I exercise too (I’m 5’6″/130 lbs) but I enjoy my food and nothing will change that.

That’s not what I’m posting about tho. Lately I can’t wear a dress without him telling me I look good but that I would’ve looked better if I had that b**ast augmentation surgery. He never complained about my breasts for 6 years until the past 4-5 months.

I’ve told him before that I’m not against it but not planning to get one (it took me years to regain my confidence because my mother used to make hurtful remarks about my chest like if it’s something I didn’t achieve).

A few days ago we were having s** and he didn’t hesitate to remind me “again” that I would look 10 times better with the implants which turned me off instantly. I don’t remember what I exactly said but I said something along the lines of “I know how it feels.

Nevermind you’re the perfect size. the big ones hurt anyway” He got mad and called me immature and all. Mind you he’s been pressuring me to have the surgery for 4 months now and I never snapped at him.

Edit: (I’m an a-cup) Yesterday we were getting ready to go to his friend’s wedding but I ended up staying home. He brought up the surgery again and I snapped at him. I reminded him that we dated for 5 years before we got married.

He had plenty of time to realize that I’m not good enough for him and break up with me to find a woman who has what he’s looking for. (I do have eyes. He’s right I’m flat chested but I have a nice body overall).

He said he loves me and wants to be with me but feels he could be more attracted to me with bigger breasts. I ended up telling him to go alone. I can’t shake off the feeling that our recent arguments are taking us down a toxic path. It’s not the kind of relationship I want for us.

Is this worth considering divorce over? Other than this we do get along very well but I feel like he’s taking me back to the days when I would stand in front of the mirror for minutes thinking I would never find a man who would like me if I myself don’t like what I’m seeing.

Expert Opinion:

This situation highlights the damaging impact of body shaming, even within intimate relationships. Dr. Claire Mysko, an expert on body image and author of Does This Pregnancy Make Me Look Fat?: The Essential Guide to Loving Your Body Before and After Baby, notes that “Body shaming is any behavior or comment that criticizes or makes fun of someone’s appearance, and it can have a devastating impact on self-esteem and mental health.”

(Source: Does This Pregnancy Make Me Look Fat?: The Essential Guide to Loving Your Body Before and After Baby)

In this case, the husband’s persistent comments about OP’s breasts, even during intimate moments, demonstrate a lack of respect for her body and her feelings. His insistence that she would be “better” with implants reinforces societal beauty standards and undermines OP’s self-acceptance. Dr. Mysko emphasizes that “True beauty comes from within, and it’s crucial to challenge the narrow and unrealistic ideals that society often promotes.”

(Source: Does This Pregnancy Make Me Look Fat?: The Essential Guide to Loving Your Body Before and After Baby)

Furthermore, the husband’s behavior raises concerns about his priorities and expectations within the relationship. Dr. John Gottman, a renowned relationship expert, identifies criticism as one of the “Four Horsemen” that predict divorce. (Source: The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work) Criticism involves attacking a person’s character or personality rather than addressing specific behaviors, and it can create a toxic environment of negativity and resentment.

Check out how the community responded:

Community Opinions:

Here’s what the Reddit community had to say about this sensitive situation – always ready with a strong opinion and a dash of wit:

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These are popular opinions on Reddit, but do they reflect reality? While the husband’s behavior is widely condemned, it’s important to remember that individuals may struggle with their own insecurities and project them onto their partners. However, this doesn’t excuse the hurtful comments or the pressure to conform to unrealistic beauty standards.

530SSState −  “A few days ago we were having s** and he didn’t hesitate to remind me “again” that I would look 10 times better with the implants which turned me off instantly.” Imagine being the kind of s**t-ass who thinks it’s OK to insult their spouse’s body DURING LOVEMAKING.

Sunny_SJ −  He tells you quite regularly that he finds you lacking. He even goes as far as to bring this up during s**. This is not the actions of a respectful loving spouse. You were well within your rights to make a mean comment to him. Funny how people who regularly dish out cruelty are the ones least able to take it.

If you agree to the b**ast augmentation I would willingly bet a large sum of money there will be something else that he will want you to fix. You having bigger breasts won’t fix whatever his issue is.

calacmack −  Your husband shouldn’t be nagging you to undergo an elective surgery for only his benefit. He’s being immensely disrespectful – which is too nice of a description but anyway be proud of your body. Don’t allow his behavior to affect your self-esteem. Does he know you might consider divorce over this issue? Tell him and base your decision upon his reaction. NTA.

GoGetSilverBalls −  My first husband talked to me about this same thing.. I said no. He then had his best friend call me…AT WORK…to ask why I wouldn’t agree to it.. Divorce followed promptly.. NTA.

530SSState −  My heart goes out to you for having to put up with this kind of insult.. He sounds like a real ass. Also, the timing of this pings my radar. You were fine for 6 years, and all of a sudden he has a problem with your body starting 4 months ago? New co-worker with a big rack, perhaps?

R0che113 −  I decided to have b**ast reduction surgery due to back and neck pain Had been with my partner for over 5 years at the time. He was extremely upset that I was taking his “toys” away!!! Which he started to remind me on a weekly basis leading up to my surgery. Needless to say the relationship ended just days before I had my surgery – all the pains (including him) are now gone 😊

[Reddit User] −  I really don’t see this marriage lasting 20+ more years without him cheating.

EmuDue9390 −  It won’t stop with your breasts, especially after you hit 30. What he’s doing & saying to you is completely G**TESQUE and MEAN. How does that not chip away at your self-esteem? If you stay, next time he says something about it you should tell him you’d be 10 times more attracted to him if he’d learn to shut the f**k up.

misstiff1971 −  Tell him you will discuss the enlargement surgery when gets penis enlargement surgery.

SheedRanko −  Your husband is a huge a**hole.

So, dear readers, what’s your verdict? Was OP justified in snapping at her husband, or should she have tried to address the issue more calmly? How can couples navigate body image concerns and maintain a healthy level of respect and acceptance within their relationship? Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments below!