AITA for telling mom “no apology, no wedding invitation” after seeing the wedding gift she gave my fiancè?

A Reddit user shares a story about her “brutally honest” mother, who has a history of making backhanded comments, especially about the user’s fiancé, Kevin.

Despite previous apologies, the mother gifts Kevin a set of shaving tools and cream as a “wedding gift,” mocking his inability to grow facial hair—a sensitive subject for him.

When Kevin walked out, the user demanded an apology from her mom, threatening to revoke her wedding invitation. Her family accuses her of overreacting, but she stands firm. Curious about how this unfolded? Read the full story below!

‘ AITA for telling mom “no apology, no wedding invitation” after seeing the wedding gift she gave my fiancè?’

I f25 am getting married to my fiance “Kevin” next month. My family love Kevin and Kevin loves them.
However, my mom is the “brutally honest” type who constantly dish out her opinions and thought on what people wear, how they look, how well off they are… Mostly negative, tasteless, backhanded comments.

She says she can’t help it and that no one should be offended when she’s just being honest.
When she met Kevin, she kept making comments about him, his car, his degree etc. With time and strict conversations I was able to get her to show some respect.

But she kept annoying Kevin by constantly talking about his hairless face (his face is clean he doesn’t have a beard or mustache which he can be very insecure about, he comes from Irish origins so he’s white, he has no facial hair while I’m hispanic) mom made jokes with her husband about how “unmanly” it is to not be able to grow a beard or a mustache.

Those comments hurt Kevin so much. I had as very very stern conversation with her and she said “oh I didn’t realize those remarks were offending him I was just teasing him” or “you know me I’m just giving my humble, honest opinion so he shouldn’t take it personal and should learn that this is how I am”.

She ended up sincerely apologizing to Kevin and we left it at that. As the wedding is approaching. Mom decided to give Kevin a wedding gift and also to let him know how sorry she was for her past behavior.

She invited the whole family for dinner and decided it was the perfect time to hand Kevin his wedding gift. He thanked her but she insisted that he open it right there and then and show everyone what she got him since she knew him that well already.

He opened the box and found a set of shaving tools with a shaving cream. Kevin stopped for a sec and kept staring at the gift. My stepdad took it and showed everyone then mom and others started laughing while stepdad kept saying ” you get the joke Kev? You get it?”. And my brother running around the table laughing with everyone.

Kevin got up and walked out. I was so mad I lost it on mom asking why she did that and humiliated Kevin infront of everyone. She told me to relax she was just messing with him but I said she knew how he felt about this topic and demanded she apologize but she said no since she wasn’t responsible for his reaction and thought he was going to laugh along.

I angrily said ” no apology, no wedding invitation, period” then walked out. She freaked out calling try to say we overreacted to a joke and my brother said I was crazy to exclude mom from my wedding over something so stupid.

He said Kevin should get over it since it was a joke but I refused to send an invitation and withheld until/unless she apologizes. They think I’m unreasonable choosing this to be my hill to die on and called me disrespectful for how I treated my mom. * I’d like to point out that my brother and stepdad and uncle sometimes take part in teasing Kevin.

My brother (who’s 31 years old) would sometimes either brag about his goatee mustache infront of Kevin or tell an indirect silly joke about this topic wich would irritate Kevin and just spoil any family gathering we have.

But mom is the one who started this whole campaigne and I’ve already had conversations with her about it.
* Kevin is American but has Irish origins.

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

Dimirosch −  NTA. Tell your brother, mother etc that the whole wedding was rescheduled and at another venue. When they complain, that they missed your wedding just say “It’s just a joke! You should get over it, I was just messing with you”

Jazzlike_Humor3340 −  NTA. “Brutally honest” is a lie people tell themselves when they are looking for an excuse to be brutal. And being deliberately brutal is always AH. Same thing with “it’s a joke” when people do something deliberately cruel and then claim “joke” to excuse their cruelty.

This is behavior that someone ought to be guided past by kindergarten. If there is a difficult truth to be said, there is a kind and tactful way to say it, if it is a joke, it should bring delight and surprise, not pain.

OhDinoCat −  NTA but your mother doesn’t seem like the only a**hole in your family.You say the whole table laughed and your brother doubled down that it was “just a joke” even after you explained why it wasn’t.. I feel bad for your fiancé.

NorthernLitUp −  NTA: “This is how I am” is not an excuse for being a s**tty human being.

TwoCentsPsychologist −  NTA. Good for you for standing up to her for Kevin. I also recommend you put a deadline by which you’re expecting the rsvp. That is, don’t give them until the minute before the wedding to offer a half apology.

It should be a proper apology at a family event BEFORE the wedding. And if she still holds out, Then you can escalate:
1. We can’t possibly go to family event X with people that disrespect my husband, or
2. How can I let my future kids be with someone who so routinely mocks their father?. Best of luck. And congratulations

soul_and_fire −  NTA. I am SO SICK of people using being “brutally honest” as an excuse for being cruel and thoughtless. it’s pure laziness and unwillingness to improve as a person. also, why is no one calling mom out on this being HER hill to die on?

brewerybitch −  I’m not going to call you an a**hole (you family all are of course), but this has long since passed the point where an apology means anything. You need to let them all know (not sure why you single her out since the rest are just as bad), that their behavior or changes or you are cutting them off completely.

Moneyguru_ −  NTA and I would not marry into this family if this is jow I was treated.

philly_special09 −  NTA, there is a huge amount of toxic masculinity in the Hispanic culture. Not a man because you don’t have facial hair? Grow the f**k up. Good on you for stepping up for you SO

SadderOlderWiser −  NTA – oh assholes always like to say they are just joking.
Die on this hill, your mother needs to learn some boundaries.

Do you think the user’s decision to demand an apology before inviting her mom to the wedding is justified, or was it an overreaction to a joke? How would you handle a family member who repeatedly crossed boundaries?
Share your thoughts below!